Feelin' Good

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life- and it’s a new year! And I AM feelin’ good!

So much to celebrate, so much to be grateful for.

My new year always starts off on January 9. January 8 is my birthday and, for me, the culmination of the holiday season. My final sweet treat- always the best carrot cake I can find- which for the past two years has been my own- far healthier than whatever I can get “out there” and absolutely killer! This year I didn’t have my cake until January 10th because my actual birthday was so full. and I didn’t have time to bake it until the next evening- by which time it was too late to eat it! On the day of, I did a sound journey via Zoom which was attended by about 35 people- what a wonderful way to celebrate! Not my plan- it was hosted by my friend Rose Russo who runs a yoga group for cancer survivors. It just “happened” to land on my birthday. Friends from near and far- even one whom I had not seen since I was 17! What a treat- so wonderful.

Meanwhile I AM doing my best to get down to business, to think about what I want to create and what I want to regenerate in this bright new year. My intention is to set reasonable goals- enlightenment can wait… but occasionally withdrawing my attention from the objects of my experience and relaxing gently into the awareness of I AM no longer seems impossible.

I am reading Rupert Spira’s book Being Myself and feel like I am beginning to understand (which reminds me of another song). A water molecule cannot separate itself from the water and look at the ocean. It can only relax into the experience of being the ocean. It can look at the little fishes and the big fishes and the coral and the plankton and the sunlight coming through the water and all of the wonders that present themselves but it is one with the water. It cannot actually look back at its Self- it can only rest in the fullness of the experience of Being. And so it is.

I am posting another video here- the Moody Blues Melancholy Man- which sounds like it might be gloomy - but in fact I feel like it is so full of hope. This is a great live version of the song. I believe it was from a concert on the Isle of Wight.
“All the world astounds me and I think I understand
That we’re going to keep growing, wait and see.”

A New Dawn

2021. Happy New Year! I feel good. I feel hopeful.

2+0+2+1= 5. In numerology 5 is about change and transformation and after 2020 (4, think “square”, grounded, solid, not particularly creative or forward thinking) I think we are all looking forward to some major changes. That’s all I’m going to say about that!

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day… and it’s a new year! I went to sleep a little after midnight and woke up at 4 a.m. thinking about things I want to get done and one of the first things that came to mind was to start blogging again. Along with it came this song.

What Makes a Story Worth Telling?

I just watched Nick Cave's very myopic movie "20,000 Days on Earth"- I LOVED it!!! If you don't like Nick Cave you would probably find it extremely irritating at best. It could be interpreted as narcissistic I suppose. I was captivated by his music the first time I saw "Wings of Desire"- not music I would hang out and listen to ordinarily but in a particular context I find it hypnotizing. When I saw the Leonard Cohen tribute film "I'm Your Man" I saw a different side of him and found him not only fascinating as a musician but as a person- eloquent and thoughtful.

So I was very excited for this film to come out and was deeply disappointed not to be able to see it at the time. I was so happy when I saw tonight that it was on Amazon Prime. My TV is hooked up to a great stereo so it was perfect.

I was so taken by it within the first 30 seconds or so that I grabbed a notebook and began taking notes. It was so meaty and I knew that I would quickly forget much of what struck me.

Some of the things I wrote down (and some slightly adapted for the purpose of this blog):
      Wonderfully myopic film by/about Nick Cave. I am haunted by his music. His father [said to him after a concert] "You are like an angel."
      Thoughtful, beautifully eloquent
      Biggest fear "Losing my memory... because memory is what we are."
      "Those moments when the gears of the heart really change."
     He was talking about daredevil stunts they used to do as kids and I thought, My childhood was thwarted by fear.
     Before you go on stage you don't know how you're going to do it. It seems impossible. Then something happens when you get on the stage. Everything else falls away.

Here is where I have to interject and put in my two cents worth. He is talking about the transformation that happens for the performer and by virtue of that to the audience, and he tells a story about Nina Simone- a concert where he opened up for her and she was raging before the concert- angry and demanding, the impression of someone snarling like an animal and scaring everyone around her. She comes out on stage and she walks up to the edge of the stage and stares the audience down. Then she goes and sits down at the piano, takes her gum out of her mouth, sticks it on top of the piano and pounds on the keys... And then she goes through this total transformation, and she is loving what she is doing. She connects with the audience, they connect with her. Everyone is completely blown away. This is his example of the transformative power of the stage, where everything else disappears and for a little while you can forget who you are.

Here is where I disagree- maybe it's just a matter of semantics. I'm not sure- but my take on this is that, first of all, this is like life. In fact, this is life. So many things that we are faced with- and we say, "Nope, I can't do this one. Too much. Too big. No can do." But it's one of those situations we can't walk away from- whether it's because it's our calling and our vocation, whether it is an obligation that we must fulfill. Doesn't matter. We're there and we have to walk through because we're in it for the long haul. And when we step into it- like stepping on the stage- we remember who we are and why we are here and there is no question that, Yes- I can do this! In fact many times we don't even think about it because there is no choice to be made. We feel the fear, we acknowledge it (or not) and we step up to the plate, and all the other stuff just falls away because we have just met our true calling. Not necessarily in terms of our life's work, nothing so grandiose, but for that moment, for that situation our job is to be present and to handle whatever is in our face. Could be a job interview, could be a sick child, could be a performance... it's whatever our fear is in the moment. Every moment, every choice. That is our life.

This movie is about self-exploration. It's about calling up and honoring the ghosts of the past. Our life doesn't become a story until we tell it. When we are in it, it just seems chaotic and confused. It's in the telling that it becomes a story.

What makes a story worth telling? If it has value to us, then it is a story worth telling. Maybe we just need to find the right person to tell it to. I told my therapist today that I was there to untangle the threads of the past. That's what I feel like this movie is doing and maybe that is why I was so moved by it. That and the fact that the cinematography and the sound- not just his music but the accompanying sound- is absolutely brilliant.