Willing To Be Wrong





Okay! Pictures! Finally! Wow, that was quite the struggle. Thanks to one of my Your Turn Challenge professional bloggers, I finally got it handled. Right- we should know there is an app for everything, yes? I keep hearing that- just don't know how to apply it. My mind doesn't go in that direction. I'm still trying to follow the step by step route instead of looking for the shortcut. The shortcut turned out to be the Blogger app- and suddenly it is all so simple.

The picture of the instruments is from one of my workshops last week, although the setup for tomorrow looks pretty much the same- except that I will have more Tibetan bowls and tuning forks out.The workshop is on sound healing for balance and joy.

One of the things I am enjoying most is the sound of the Dutch language. I find it very pleasant and not so difficult. I guess a lot of people have trouble with the gutteral tones but I think it's not too bad for me. The bigger challenge is just getting the nerve to actually try to say things and know that it's okay to mispronounce if that's what happens- my deathly fear of doing something wrong. Always better not to try, at least in my inner world. On the outside I have actually learned to just go ahead and try it anyway but getting past the saboteur at the door who is ready to stab me if I make a mistake- that's still always a bit of a struggle. I only know four words so that doens't leave too much room for any huge errors. Good morning, thank you, you're welcome, hello (hallo, about as simple as it gets) and bye. 

That's it for tonight. I have to get up early to be ready for the workshop in the morning. Dag.

Zoom Zoom Zoom

Well, I thought for a minute I could upload my pictures from Dropbox but when I copy them on to this page they are gigantic and there is no way to make them smaller. So here I am again in the Land of Frustration! I have so many wonderful pictures of Holland- including a whole wall of hang pans that I so want to post. 

Oh well... I have been having many great sound experiences here, mostly of my own making. Shipping this weekend by teaching a two day workshop. It looks like we will have a reasonable turnout for it and I am looking forward to it. I have had two very nice three hour workshops that began and ended with Expressive Art Therapy and had a sound journey in the middle. 

Expressive Art Therapy is a three step process- Access, Release, Transform:
Access an image that expresses the feeling sensation on the body as it responds to a significant event or situation- possibly painful, but not neccessarily.
Release the image through an art form- visual, movement or sound 
Transform the image/experience with a new image that represents a calmer, less stressful response to the situation.
In the workshops I am teaching, the original trigger or challenging situation is released through the Healing Sound Journey which is followed by a visual art piece which represents the transformation of the event. I love the combination. It really feels like sort of a missing link to me. 

I gave someone a session today who had an extremely positive response to one of the workshops and wanted to follow up with a session to help anchor the experience. 

The time is flying by so fast- I can't believe I am leaving in a week and a half. Suddenly three weeks seems like no time at all.

Update From Holland

I have been in Holland for a week now- hard to believe I have less than two weeks left. It felt like I was going to be here for such a long time but now it seems to be flying by!

The days have been very full since I got here.

I wrote that this morning and then spent about 5 hours trying to figure out how I could upload so pictures to my blog. I installed Dropbox but haven't gotten any further than that. I did have a wonderful afternoon, doing a vocal practice from a class I recorded last January in the Bahamas with Siliva Nakkach. Along with it I did an Expressive Art Therapy exercise- basically putting the vocal exercise on a piece of paper and seeing what revealed itself. It was a very enjoyable exercise and I may incorporate some of it into this weekend's workshop.
Let's try this. At least you can see the pics on my Facebook page this way!

Days of Sound Beauty


A very musical day today. The first thing we did was go visit a handpan maker. Yes, that's right- handpan- what we in the states have been calling hang drums. They are not- I repeat, not- called hang drums. (I just found this out today.) And from what our new Rumanian friend, Claudiu says, he is one of the best makers of the pan in the world. He is also in such demand that he has closed out his waiting list. He lives less than 10 minutes from Paul and Jane! Paul and I brought Claudiu over there to pick up his pans that he had left there to be tuned and listened to both of them- a wide assortment of pans tuned to varying beautiful scales and tonalities. It was a wonderful way to start the day.

After we got back to the house Claudiu gave us a short concert and then several of us gathered for a Tensegrity class. After the class I gave a demo to one of the people who was there and then a full session to the person who had taught the class. Later on, Ralf, the hangpan maker, came by to drop off a couple more drums for Claudiu that he had tuned for him and played for us again, After that I gave him a short demo session as well.

I felt like I was immersed in sound pretty much from the minute I woke up today, and that was a good feeling!

Sound Pleasures

Woke up this morning to the sound of the hang drum being played in the next room. How sweet is that? I stood by the door and rather surreptitiously recorded a bit of it!

The first thing I did when I went downstairs was pick up my friend Ine's guitar and play the Devi Stotra.

After breakfast I went out for a walk through the farmland and enjoyed the funny squeaky sounds of the magpies dancing in the fields. I think they've gotten a bad rap. It seems as though I've always heard them spoken or written about in disparaging tones. I suppose they've done something to deserve that but I've only seen their beautiful black and white colours and heard the wonderful sounds they make and so far I have a very good impression of them!

After I got back to the house I went upstairs and listened to a couple of tracks by Jai Uttal on the sound table. That was a really great experience! If you want a really good meditative experience, listen to this track. If you want an even better experience, contact me and have a healing session with it on a vibroacoustic sound table! Even Jai said he really didn't realize all that was going on with this music until I gave him a session on the sound table with it- there are some beautiful low frequencies that you don't really hear when listening but that you feel deeply on a vibroacoustic table.
The house is very quiet- just the sounds of birds, the hum of the refrigerator and off in the distance there are trains- one to Berlin twice a day, and ones from Amsterdam to Soeste and back every ten or fifteen minutes. One tiny little train with only one car goes by, once a day I think- maybe twice? That's the train to Poland!

Sometimes it gets very windy because the land is so flat- there is nothing to slow it down. Other days I've heard the rain beat down on the roof. But today, just the birds, the train and the refrigerator- and the clicking of my keys on the keyboard.

One of the loveliest effects of the hang drum is the simultaneous sound of the fingers tapping on the drum at the same time is it is creating lovely tones and beautiful ringing overtones.

David Crosby Got It Right- Music Is Love

Guest staying at Paul and Jane's plays the hang drum. Got a sweet video of him playing tonight. It's all about music here. Paul loves music- bought a sound table from me 15 years ago. They have a sound healing room set up here. The sound therapist guest was synchronicity- and he happens to know a ton about hang drums and who the best people are to buy them from.

Tonight we watched The Intouchables- what a wonderful brilliant funny movie with the most beautiful soundtrack- music by Ludovico Einaudi, whom I had never heard of until two days ago when Paul was playing his music for me as we drove past fields and fields of tulips.

Speaking of which- it is so frustrating that only my "camera roll" is on here (my iPad) with one photograph. I have no idea why my photo stream is not accessible from my blog. Grrrr....

Well, I can post a great scene from The Intouchables anyway- not music by Einaudi however!
Meanwhile more people are committing to the various workshops I am teaching and several people have expressed an interest in private sound healing sessions- including Claudiu, the sound therapist who is staying here.

Everyone who came yesterday had extremely powerful experiences from the workshop, one of whom really seemed to have gotten a glimpse of "Home". I saw him today and he said the experience was still with him, so he plans to set up a private session. He was totally blissed out when I saw him.  today. The beautiful thing is not only how quickly music can elicit a deep and profound change within us, but how that change can stay with us.

Everyone knows that music is love...

Top Secret

Six people in workshop today that only one had signed up for. All of them had powerful experiences. It was the first time that I combined the Expressive Art Therapy with sound. It was good. (Really... can you tell I'm overtired?)

We had five of us at dinner and then Paul shared this great video with us. Still exhausted so this is it from me today. Amazing though- my days are so full that I was ready to fall asleep and realized I hadn't posted anything yet!

I think it would be fun to contrast this with a video of African drummers- the same level of precision with such a totally contrasting feel to it!

God Is Not Throwing Dice

It was a toss-up between this and "My Body is a Cage." I have had a full day of music and a certain amount of catharsis due to the songs my friend Paul was choosing for me this morning. Three in a row by Peter Gabriel- this one, then "I Grieve" and finally "My Body is a Cage". I finally told him I needed a break and couldn't spend the whole day catharting!

So, after that we did some ordinary mundane stuff, I cooked dinner and tonight I set up instruments for tomorrow's workshop on Expressive Arts Therapy and Sound Healing. I took a picture but sadly can't seem to upload it onto here. I have a friend I met the last time I was here who is also a sound healer and has a nice collection of instruments- some beautiful Himalayan singing bowls, rattles and flutes plus I brought a few bowls and a bunch of tuning forks and a couple of other small things. Paul and Jane have a Freenote they brought from me years ago and some other exotic instruemnts as well.
At the end of the day I had a very nice assortment of instruments that all sound really well together.

(My apologies that I can only post old pictures from this blog right now.)
 After getting all that organized Paul put me on their Somatron sound table, which he and Jane bought from me 15 years ago when they hosted me in Canada, and played "My Body is a Cage". Totally amazing and so nice to have someone give me a mini-treatment on the table. It has been a long time.

Oh, and one more crazy piece of synchronicity- someone called Paul today to make reservation for tomorrow to stay here via Airbnb. It turned out upon talking to him that he is a sound therapist and has a sound healing center in Rumania! He is coming here with his wife and child tomorrow and bringing a bunch of instruments with him! What are the odds that there would be two of us here at the same time? He was as blown away as we were when Paul told him that I was here and said that when these things happen it is clear, as Albert Einstein said, that God is not throwing dice.

That on top of the question Paul and I have been discussing about why I am really here, since no one was signed up for any of the workshops before I got here. Paul has said several times that obviously I am here for a reason- we just don't know what it is yet. Now people are slowly starting to come out of the woodwork!

Tiptoeing Through the Tulips!

I slept really well last night and woke up here feeling like I had finally landed. When Paul saw me this morning he said, "Oh, you've arrived!" Yes, I've arrived.

We went to see tulips- fields and fields full of tulips, rows and rows- wide swatches of deep reds, brillliant yellow, pale pink, deep rose, mixes of swirling pink and white with pale green running through them. And so much more. Double orange, scarlet and yellow blossoms that were so intoxicatingly fragrant I thought I might just lay down in them and never get up, the way Dorothy did in the Wizard of Oz in the field of poppies. The clouds were deep and dark but the sun kept shining through and hitting the edges of trees. At one point after walking through rows and rows of tulips we got back in the car and within a minute it started to hail. We didn't see it coming and made it just in time!

The sad part is that I have taken tons of pictures but can't seem to access them on my iPad to put them in this blog. There is no iPhoto on here which is what I use to upload them from my computer. I have no idea if there is a solution.
The most exciting sound I heard to day? Birds singing in the trees next to acres of tulips! I also heard some music by Ludivico Einaudi which was very beautiful and I am posting here. Enjoy!

Writing on Borrowed Time

Arrived today totally exhausted. nauseous on the plane last night which never happens for me- maybe because of a latenight in-flight dinner.

Back spazzed up from hoisting my bag with Tibetan singing bowls and tuning forks onto the train in Amsterdam. When I got back here I immediately got in the hot tub to relax my back and then took a short nap. Too tired to take in Paul and Jane's beautiful spot but will enjoy it tomorrow before taking off to see the tulips! This is the last week. Paul told me that next week they cut the heads off them so they can sell the bulbs!!! Made it in the nick of time.

According to the clock on my iPad it is now 12:15 a.m.- I can't even believe I am still awake- but for those of you in the states this is actually an early post for me.

Given my current state of exhaustion I'm not going to try to write any more than this-  instead I am sharing this totally cool video Paul just played for me- enjoy!

You Just Have To (Let Go and) Go!

Okay, slightly angsty... Sitting in Logan Airport trying to get used to new iPad. I don't usually get so anxious. Only my second time flying to Europe though... Fortunately my son Nic and my grandson Jonah kept me company on the ride to Boston. Nervous about silly small things which don't mean a thing- so I guess I'm just nervous and making up reasons to be so!

At least I have an opportunity to write a short update... Plane leaves for Amsterdam at 9 p.m. Will arrive in Dublin in the morning with an hour and a half layover and then off to Amsterdam. Jump on a train and my friend Paul will meet me at the train station in Amersfoort. I know once I get there I'll be fine.

Not that there is anything specific I am afraid of- just letting go of the familiar I guess. I am excited and I adore Holland and I adore my friends and I will be in the bosom of people who love me!

The last time I went my mother was alive to cheer me on. I got the invitation when Paul and I were on a Skype call, early 2012. I went downstairs and told my mother and said I had just been invited to Amsterdam and she said "Well, you have to go! That's all there is to it- you just have to go!" So I called him back, we made plans and in March of 2012 I was there. I haven't had alot of tears or sadness around her dying. It was so natural and perfect and I had so much wonderful precious time with her, but today I just keep hearing her voice saying, "You have to go!" and I miss her. I wish she was here to cheer me on. And I know that wherever she is, she is doing just that.

Holland's Calling

Whoops- up since 6:30 preparing for my departure tomorrow- almost forgot about my blog! My two things I have managed to stay consistent with for some time now- Weight Watchers since last June and blogging daily since January. WW success is 22 pounds so far. I would like to lose another ten (at least). My fear- that I will get derailed from both of these and lose my momentum. If I can maintain my current weight I will be happy with that because it is so hard to travel and not gain- at least for me.

As far as my blogging, that will be another challenge- mostly because I anticipate being so immersed in everything I am doing that I will just forget about it! I hope that's not true. I hope that I will discover that I really have developed a strong enough habit that it will be fairly automatic for me to find a time to sit and write.

Also, the fact is that I will not be as distracted in some ways being there as I am in my own home where there are constantly interruptions and distractions. In some I ways I think my world may be a bit quieter there as I will not have nearly as much access to my phone, family and friends as I do here.

So, it will be interesting to see which way this goes. One thing good- it's 6 hours later there so all my posts will show up 6 hours earlier than they usually do!!!

So, since this is where I'll be the day after tomorrow, I am posting a video of a session I gave with Himalayan singing bowls at a workshop in Utrecht, Netherlands, when I was there in 2012. The person I am working on is my dear friend Paul Goudsmit who hosted me last time, along with his partner Jane, and with whom I will be staying for the next three weeks when I return. Enjoy!

Tuning Into A Tune (You Can Relax Now)


I had a pretty wild thing happen today. I was driving to a friend's 70th birthday celebration and this song came into my head. I used to use it a lot in sound healing sessions, usually at the end of a treatment, but the CD eventually got too worn and I never replaced it.

Today, as I was driving to my friend's party and thinking about singing a song to her, this song suddenly came to me. I haven't thought of it in a very long time. I had to focus to bring it forward but suddenly I started singing it and all the words and melody came back to me. I was a little surprised because I had only ever sung it along with the CD but it was always one of my favorite songs. It was so nice to have it enter my mind that way and I sung it a few times through. It was about 1:45 pm.

When I got to the party I sang a different song, a birthday song that I always love to sing on the celebration day of the birth of those whom I love. I had totally forgotten about the Shaina Noll song by that time. It was just sort of a sweet passing pleasure that came and went.

A couple of hours later I was driving home and a dear friend called me from the Berkshires to wish me well on my trip to Holland. Then she said, "Rosie, do you remember that song that went... Something about 'You can relax now... Breathe deeply... You are a child of god.'?" "Yes!" I exclaimed. "Why are you asking me this?" She said "Well, I went to a funeral today and they played that song and it made me think of you." I said, "Lynda, I was singing this song just a couple of hours ago- it came into my mind out of the blue and I sang the whole thing through." Then I asked her what time it was that they were singing it. I told her it was about 1:45 when I was singing it. She said, "That's exactly when it was- 1:45. The funeral started at 1 pm and they played that song at the very end- it was 1:45." Honestly, I don't even know what to think about that. As Eric Burdon said so fittingly in his unforgettable voice back in 1970, "This really blew my mind." (Spill the Wine)
Sleeping child of God, my granddaughter Patience- photo by Kim Whaley




Musical Toilets and Synchronicity

If I could have any toilet in the world, this would be the one I would want. Unfortunately it belongs to someone else.

Three years ago, when I went to Holland the first time, my friend Jane Tipping and I decided one day to go to the medieval town of Amersfoort to go shopping. Jane had heard it was great place to shop and she finally had someone to go with!
 
The tall narrow houses in Amsersfoort, which form the perimeter of the town, were built from a fortification wall that surrounded the town in the 1300's. In the 1600's another wall was built around the inner one as the town was growing rapidly and the inner one was used as the foundation for the Muurhuizen, or wall houses.

We hadn't been there but about ten minutes and were walking down the narrow street on the perimeter of the town when we were stopped by an old man who insisted we come into his house and see what the buildings look like from the inside. I think his name was Fritz (or Frans?)...
 We were mildly uneasy about going into a persistent old man's home- but he WAS persistent and we were ready for an adventure so in we went! He had a crazy little place that was FULL of knick knacks- but when I first walked in the house I looked around a corner and found myself looking in the bathroom at the toilet pictured above. I know that usually a toilet is not the first sign that you are in the right place unless you have to pee really badly, but I was there to teach a sound healing workshop. Sound and music were very much my focus, as they tend to be most days and there was this wild musical toilet. I couldn't believe it. I did indeed take it as a sign from the gods that we were in exactly the perfect place!

It turned out, needless to say, that he was a musician- a stand-up bass player- and that his whole family had all been musicians. His father had been a musician- I think maybe his mother had been a singer and his sons were both musicians. He had a picture of his father as a very young man with a group of musicians- maybe an orchestra or something. I don't remember the details but it was all just great, funny and as magical and synchronistic as anything in my life. I had the feeling I had just walked into some crazy, dreamlike, divinely orchestrated scene that I couldn't possibly have dreamed up on my own!

He tried to get us to go up the very narrow stairs to see the upstairs but we managed to escape at that point. The picture below is Jane looking slightly unnerved and clearly ready to leave at this point! I have often wondered whether it was just a weird synchronistic event or if he actually just hangs out outside of his house accosting every obvious tourist and stranger that walks by. Was he lonely or was he just an old man who was totally turned on by the heritage of his town and his family and wanted to share it? Who knows, but I am leaving for Holland on Tuesday and my guess is that very soon Jane and I will be headed for another shopping spree in Amersfoort (we found some great clothes there the last time!) and I am definitely wondering whether we will run into Fritz and his musical toilet again.

Taking the Plunge




A few days ago I made a decision around something I was wavering about. I recommitted to going to Holland even though no one has signed up for my sound healing workshop. I was feeling very nervous about it, basically in regard to spending money with the possibility of not making enough money to make it financially viable. The discussion I had with my friend Paul, who is hosting me along with his partner Jane, was about going out on a limb and the fact that when we do that some of the best stuff happens. As Gabrielle Roth once said (possibly in reference to something else, but it fits), "That's when things get really juicy."



Just now I read Seth Godin's blog post for today. It feels very applicable.

Reckless abandon (is neither)
It's not reckless, because when we leap, when we dive in, when we begin, only begin, we bring our true nature to the project, we make it personal and urgent.
And it's not abandon, not in the sense that we've abandoned our senses or our responsibility. In fact, abandoning the fear of fear that is holding us back is the single best way not to abandon the work, the pure execution of the work.
Later, there's time to backpedal and water down. But right now, reckless please.

Once I made a clear decision I felt relieved and unafraid. I have gone from feeling nervous and anxious to very excited.

Plus, as it turns out spring is late this year in Holland, as it has been here, and apparently the tulips are only just starting to come out- which means I will be there at the peak of tulip season! That in itself will be worth the price of admission.
Photo by An Maria C

Mantra 108

ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram ram
राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम
राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम
राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम राम

Musical Prayer



Tonight I did a short sound journey at the World Citizens Cafe in Framingham honoring Earth Day and offering musical prayer to Mother Earth. It was one of those events where I was asked to do it knowing I would be giving a five to ten minute sound offering and traveling an hour and a half to do so and knowing all the while that I wouldn't be making any money but that it would be well worth my while in every way. And so it was.

I only brought a handful of instruments with me but I chose instruments from as many parts of the world that I could. On their Facebook page the description for the World Citizens Cafe is as follows: "A place to relax and share our multicultural heritage. Discover the cultural differences that distinguish us and the commonalities that bind us. Stories from worldwide cultures, music,
tastes of international foods, lively conversation and of laughter ! Free and open to all." So, my guiding thoughts were to choose instruments that were global and the intentionality of a healing prayer for the Mother. I brought four Tibetan singing bowls, a Paiste gong made in Switzerland, a wind gong made in China, a condor feather flute made by a Peruvian shaman, an antique transverse flute made in London, a Native American flute, an instrumental tamboura made in India, a clay pot flute made by me, a rattle given to me by a Canadian shaman (which I think was made in the Amazon), a crystal bowl made in the United States and a didgeridoo from Australia. 
It was such a lovely evening... a beautiful group of people, and everyone seemed to love the sound journey. It was wonderful to see how deep and how far people were able to travel with the sound in spite of it being so short. I am reminded that time really has no bearing on the experience because the effect of sound is instantaneous and transcendent.
 

Leap of Faith

I have had to do some processing around my trip to Holland as I did not state my needs clearly enough in advance. Meanwhile however I have been acting as if I was going to be going and immersing myself in practice and writing so that I am well prepared for the workshop. Today I talked to my dear friends Paul Goudsmit and Jane Tipping and confirmed that yes, I am going to take the leap of faith even though there is no one confirmed for the workshop. There is definitely interest and if there are not enough people to make my staying the extra week worthwhile than I will simply come home a little sooner than planned.

Sita Ram- Sing With Your Hands!


I was looking through one of my old journals with notes from many sound healing workshops I have taken. There are notes in here from workshops with Shri Shyamji Bhatnagar, Thomas Ashley-Farrand (Namadeva), Jai Uttal, Fabien Maman, and John Beaulieu plus some writing about some shamanic journeys with two Peruvian shaman. This journal, along with the one that follows it, probably contains the most important writing of my life. Interestingly it begins and ends with workshops I took with Shyamji.

I opened it to look up some notes from a workshop with Silvia Nakkach which I realize now is actually in the other one. I got sidetracked because I opened to a page that had the words to this lovely bhajan that Shyamji sang in a workshop one time and I wanted to find a melody to it. His tune was completely different than this one- so gentle, sweet and beautiful it had us all in tears. Unfortunately I don't think there is a recording of him singing it.

Sita Ram Sita Ram
Sita Ram Kahiye
Jahi Vidhi Rakhe Ram
Tahi Vidhi Rahiye

This one is sweet too though, in a different kind of a way, and I decided to post it as my musical inspiration for the day although I have already sat down and found my own melody to it. One of the things I enjoy about this video is the way this man sings with his hands. You get the feeling he is telling a story- which he probably is! One of the things Silvia always tells us is to free our hands and arms when we sing and it will help us to free our voice.

This is a photo from a page in my journal during one of Shyamji's workshops. It says, "Sita Ram Sita Ram Sita Ram." (To any Sanskrit scholars who may see this- I didn't realize that "Ram" had a long "A" when I wrote it. I think that's the only mistake?))