Moments of Darkness, Moments of Light

I wanted to write just a tiny bit before I go to sleep, given that I wrote the title hours ago and then got sidetracked. There’s so much going on in the world and some of it is so sad, so tragic, so painful and then there are these beautiful glimpses of light. I feel so strongly now that when we experience those moments of light that we cannot- must not- take them for granted, and that as we experience them we need to do all we can to magnify them, to amplify them and to share them. We cannot keep them to ourselves. Everyone needs hope right now.

I woke up this morning with the intention of doing my Course In Miracles workbook lesson before I did anything else, but somehow I fell right into temptation and looked at my phone first. The way the world is right now, I know better. But it didn’t stop me. And the first thing I saw was a beautiful but very sad post by Anne Lamott, reminding me of the havoc that is being wreaked upon the people of the United States by an uncaring and despotic government. How did this happen? Well, it happened and I am not even going to go down that road of wasting time asking how we got here- because here is where we are.

But is the world just a dark place? Not my world, and I hope that you too can see the patches of sunlight. Last night a dear friend took me to see Les Misérables in Greensboro. It was brilliant, beautiful, extraordinary and dynamic- absolutely wonderful in every way! Late this afternoon we watched a talk that one of the monks gave who is a part of the group of monks walking for peace right now from Fort Worth, TX to Washington, DC. Their goal is simple- to spread peace and compassion and that is a beautiful and glorious intention. Where people are doing good, where people are sharing their love and light, we need to bathe in it, to absorb it and to radiate it.

This brings to my mind a beautiful prayer I learned many years ago at the 1994 International Sound Colloquium. It is a silent prayer done with hand gestures but the meaning is this:
I offer you peace
I offer you friendship
I offer you love
I hear your needs
I see your beauty
I feel your feelings
My wisdom comes from a higher source.
I bow to that source within you.
Let us work and play together.

Anne Lamott’s piece finished with these words: “All the courage I’m seeing around me thrusts me into these deep days of winter, where I notice how the slant of light is exquisite.”

Getting Clear

I had such an interesting experience this evening. I have been intending to do a sound healing for someone who lives out of the country. We talked at least 3 weeks ago about her intention but I have been slow in getting to it between doing an event on the solstice, preparing for Christmas, wrapping and shipping packages and the upcoming New Year events. I was feeling somewhat guilty that I had not yet gotten to it even though I knew she understood and was fine with it and had the understanding that it would happen when it was the right time, as did I- but I was still not 100% comfortable with how long it was taking to get to it. As it turned out she sent a text earlier today basically updating her intention. I still expected that I would not get to it til next week.

So, a few hours ago I was sort of mindlessly playing some Tibetan bowls in my living room and moving some of them around, setting them up, shifting them around and switching some of them out. Then I began setting up crystal bowls around them and suddenly I realized I was setting up the sound healing session and that I was supposed to do it tonight. Various other instruments began calling me and soon I was setting up the entire space to do a sound journey which I would record for my client. There was a lot of specificity. The instruments were essentially guiding me and arranging themselves. I didn’t bring in all the instruments I normally use and brought some in that I sometimes play but basically never use for session work.

I was quickly guided to clear the space of everything that didn’t belong there and set up the room around the instruments. I needed to create an altar. I usually think of the room itself as an altar and I don’t need to change things, but I was guided to get certain crystals from my sound healing room, along with pictures and murtis and even specific candles and candle holders. The process took a long time, probably a good 90 minutes and then I was basically “told” by whoever/whatever was guiding me that I needed to take pictures which I would share with the client. Right away I realized that is now a part of the healing session. I’m not sure why but it was very clear that the visual is an important piece.

I did the sound journey and just listened back to it and was hypnotized by it. I wanted to make sure the recording was okay before I sent it off. It was pretty wonderful. Hopefully it will be good for the recipient as well! Please do not hesitate to reach out if you would like a long distant private sound healing session. If you’re reading this blog then you know where to find me.

Here are pictures of the set up for the session.

Music Is Medicine

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. In 2006 I had a head injury. A huge PA speaker that had steadily vibrated over the years from the very loud music that came through it, slowly moved on the shelf it where it was perched, until it fell from about 3 feet above my head, where I happened to be dancing that night. It swung from the cable and slammed me in my right temple. By some miracle and a lot of healing over the following months (sound as well as other modalities), I recovered from the injury. That’s not the point of this story. There was a particularly exciting moment for me about a week after the injury when I got an MRI and saw the image of my brain. My brain! It felt like when Peter Pan saw his shadow- “My shadow! My very own shadow!” Really quite thrilling.

11 months later I was looking through the Arts & Leisure section of the New York Times and, lo and behold, there was a full page image of various brain scans taken while people were listening to music and an article about the researcher, Daniel Levitin. It grabbed me partly because I had not so long ago seen a scan of my own brain after a quite serious injury, and still more so because of the particular topic which is of course my passion! He had just published a book called This Is Your Brain On Music which, to this day, remains one of my favorite books on the effects of music on the brain. Levitin is a musician himself and had a career as a music producer, where he developed a fascination with how certain people (in this case, music producers) are able to discern extremely fine gradations of sound and music. That was the beginning. Click here to read the full article. The picture at the top of the page is the original copy which I still have in my files.

Long story short and fast forward, I just found out today that this year he has published a new book- I Heard There Was A Secret Chord. I was excited and delighted and ended up listening to about 3 hours worth of videos with him and ordered the book for myself and as a Christmas present for a loved one. Here is a wonderful video, so well worth listening to if you are an avid sound and music lover- and possibly a frequency nerd as well! Carlos Reyes is extraordinary. When he picked up his violin and started playing his first piece, I was in tears at the first two notes- one of the points that Levitin and Reyes make during their talk that I think just about everyone can relate to- the power of music to profoundly affect the emotional body, sometimes creating gentle waves, sometimes rougher waters, but ultimately bringing us to a resolution.

What Lies Beneath

[Note: I began this writing on Sept. 6. Finally got back to it. Today is October 18.]
This morning before I got up I listened to this meditation by Rupert Spira. In it he compares the fluctuations of the mind to the ripples and currents in the ocean and talks about how, as you go down deeper and deeper beneath the surface, the ocean becomes more and more still.

In 2006 I had a pretty serious head injury. A heavy speaker fell off a shelf and swung from the cable hitting me square in my right temporal lobe. The injury came with a gift. About a week after the injury I began having shirodhara treatments from an angel, Denise O’Dunn, whose Ayurvedic treatments put me on the path to recovery. (For more on Denise O’Dunn and her Ayurvedic treatments click here.) I received seven consecutive days of shirodhara, a beautiful modality which is one of the primary treatments for traumatic brain injury in the ancient Indian system of Ayurvedic medicine.

When we began I was in a great deal of pain and it literally hurt my brain to think. If I tried to speak I would stop after a few words because it was too painful. The thoughts were there but it was too strenuous to actually attempt to elucidate them, so I would just let them go. The result of this was that the first few weeks after the injury I experienced being totally in the moment, because that was a place within which I could rest. If I was having a cup of tea, I was simply having a cup of tea. I was fully present because it was simply to painful to be anywhere else. It was an incredible gift.

About 3 or 4 days into the treatment, as I was lying on Denise’s massage table having warm medicated oil poured onto my forehead, a thought came into my mind. In that moment, as I became aware of the thought, I had an image of water striders, the small insects that skim across the surface of water. I would often see them in our swimming pool as a kid and was fascinated by them. The awareness that accompanied the image was that the water strider was the thought, floating on the surface of a pool of water, and I could either follow the thought or I could dive down below the surface and remain in stillness. For weeks afterward I was able to simply choose presence, stillness. Initially it was a necessity. It became a choice. As time passed and the acute injury subsided the more my chattery mind returned, but the experience, knowing that place of quiet, is something that has never left and the memory of it still allows me to occasionally drop in there with relative ease.

Tears That Are Unspoken Words

Two years ago my older brother Tim passed away due to Covid. He was 7 years older than me and when we were younger- much younger- he opened me up to a world of great music. We might be at our father’s house in Newport or I might have been up at Tim’s house in Vermont where he lived with a group of friends- a sort of “hippie house”- and I would suddenly hear his voice. “Hey Rosie, come here! You gotta hear this!” He actually never played a single piece of music for me that I didn’t like, in fact generally that I didn’t love. Dave Mason’s album “Alone Together” was one of them- every track on it being excellent. He loved it and I immediately fell in love with it. Since that day, more than 50 years ago, I have listened to it hundreds of times. It is one of my all-time favorite albums. I know every word and every note on that album. (I have gone through two copies of the vinyl- because the first one got so worn out and now have it on CD.)

A few years ago I decided I wanted to learn to play the song “Sad and Deep As You” on my guitar. It’s one of those songs that you can just sit and play and sing over and over and never tire of it. Just a sweet, sad, beautiful song. Four years ago I put everything in storage and left the country for a while. Due to the pandemic I ended up relocating and much of my stuff has stayed in storage. Yesterday I was unpacking a box from a load of stuff I had brought down from RI last week and there was a little pile of papers in the bottom of the box- songs that I had printed out a few years ago, and that song was among them.

I was feeling good, with warm memories, just singing and getting into the sweet groove of the song and suddenly the memory hit me… of Tim turning me on to that album, sitting on the bed with him just completely knocked out by the music- all of the songs, the words, the nuances and that wonderful shared experience… and I was weeping.

And there was the last verse:
Tears that are unspoken words
Tears that are the truth
Tears that tell a story
As sad and deep as you…

So, I sat and cried- wept- and then I started singing it again… and again… and again…

Grateful for memories.
Grateful for the ability to feel deeply.

Distance Is No Object

It’s late but I have a little story I want to share. I have been in Rhode Island for about a week. I wasn’t planning to do any sessions while I was up here because I already have a lot going on, but I had a friend who was in crisis so I agreed to give her a session. We had it scheduled for today but at the last minute, at the end of the day yesterday, it turned out that it wasn’t going to work out. I talked with her on the phone and gave her my best motivational inspirational pep talk, reminding her that she had done a lot of work and had plenty of tools and she just needed to get through one day- today, which meant for her a very stressful court date- and then she could come to the group sound healing session I have scheduled for tomorrow. Once there she could breathe, exhale and release all that she has had going on. I told her that in the meantime I would give her a long distant healing session. Even at the suggestion I could feel her appreciation and relief.

I decided to do it this morning when I woke up a little before 7. I texted her at precisely 6:57 and told her I was about to play one of my sound journeys and send her long distant healing. I attached the sound journey to the text via Dropbox and told her that whenever she had the chance, preferably this morning, she should simply relax and listen to the sound journey and take it in. I lay in bed for a full hour giving myself a treatment with the Radiance Technique, all the while connecting with her energy and very consciously sending healing to her as well. At 9:45 I received this message from her: “Thank you so much. I woke at 7am with lots of anxiety, and strangely fell back asleep until 8:30… then saw your message which now makes sense why I likely dozed off… and then listened to the recording. My body feels relaxed, both were well received and I thank you so very much. Amazing, truly amazing.” I replied that I am still always blown away by how well this stuff works! She said, “Oh my goodness, me too! My first experience like this and I’m a believer, thank you so much Rosie.”

Speaking of breathing, here is a sweet song by an old and dear friend, LeRoy White, who passed away a little over 3 years ago. He was beloved by many and lived his life to uplift others with his music and incredible generosity of spirit.

Swells in the Ocean of Emotion

It’s one of those days… a beautiful sunny Sunday, warm in my house, sun pouring through the window into my living room. It’s a day for lighting candles, smudging, burning incense, taking in the purifying scent of Agua de Florida and palo santo- a day for cleansing and purifying. I am feeling quiet and vulnerable- in a good way. I had a dream about my brother Tim last night, and two nights before that as well. Somewhat randomly yesterday I came across a series of emails that we had shared during the period of time when our mother passed almost ten years ago on various topics.

I am feeling him close by today, as well as the presence of other dear ones who also passed in recent years- my beloved Henry, my eldest sister Jenny who died just two days after him, dear friends Shin Ae and Amber who both were gone way too soon- two young, powerful, brave, extraordinary women- both of whom had a huge impact on my life. And of course my parents- my mother, and my father who passed 40 years ago this May.

I cam across this beautiful poem when I opened Facebook today- written by my friend Peter Blum in memory of some of his own tribe. It spoke to me through my tears- good tears, memories of sweetness and love- and I share it with you.

December Dream
Around me the dead have risen
Look! Their parachutes of hope
open
in just the right places
Umbrellas, balloons, feathers, clouds
multitudes of curious transport
pull them through the night
with just the right traces
Resurrected memories of nameless
timeless ancestral entities
Chills of premonition.
My heart beats faster
I cannot quite make out
the faces.
-Peter Blum-

Henry’s warm smile…

At Mum’s 90th birthday with my two siblings, Jenny and Tim- November 2, 2011.

Mum, showing off the hat she had just decorated!

Radiant Shin Ae…

Gardening and Grooving

It’s been a very intense year so far. Every day i want to write and I have had some frustration with not being able to post new pictures on my computer. Long story- not interesting to anyone, I’m sure! So we’ll just glide right past that. Update- problem solved

So where am I right now? Here’s a quick update. I fell in love.*

And now it’s September and I fell out of love. Okay, back to what I was writing two months ago.

My son Moose and his wife Jenny had twins- Ruby and Wren- on December 26. They came home from the hospital at the end of January a couple of days before their official due date of 2.22.22.

I drove back and forth to Rhode Island and Maine 3 times between October and December… and then a 4th time in April for my brother Tim’s funeral after he died from Covid.

Tim on the far right, 1972, with our younger brother Peter at the helm (age 15 at the time and youngest crew member) during transatlantic to Kiel, Germany for Operation Sail, aboard the Black Pearl.

A week after Tim’s funeral I flew out to Minneapolis to meet my granddaughters, Ruby and Wren, in the sweet pink baby flesh! They were 3 months old and it was the perfect balm after losing my brother- not that it could make up for it, but it certainly softened things a lot and nurtured my soul.

Oh, did I mention I had an appendectomy? February 22, the same night my brother Tim was put on a ventilator. Ugh, not a good night. The night before I was probably the sickest and most scared I have ever been in my adult life, vomiting violently to the point I thought I was actually going to suffocate as I was unable at times to even get a breath. it was horrible. Anyway, I got through it and felt a thousand times better after the offending organ was removed! But an emotionally challenging time as Tim was also clearly not recovering from Covid the way it was anticipated.

Next? May rolled around and I went to Florida to do 3 Healing Sound Journeys- the first public events I had done since the start of the pandemic! I have LOTS more to say about that trip and the things I learned about my work, all (or most) of which I am saving for another post. I will post a groovy picture here though!

Instruments set up for a Healing Sound Journey at the Temple of The Living God in St. Petersburg, FL.

And then it was June- which is when I started this post! A trip to Haris Lender’s Yurtananda, her very groovy retreat in the hills of Virginia down the road from Swami Satchitananda’s ashram in Yogaville. She had just completed a beautiful outdoor music stage and invited me up to do a Healing Sound Journey outside in the woods with the birds and the bees and some trees- and a few people too! She was unquestionably the hostess with the mostess and it was a wonderful time!

For those of you who are on Facebook, here is a link to a short video that Haris took. Unfortunately there is no other access to it. To watch video click here.

And that’s all for now- almost! I got back home and was able to do a bit of gardening- put in a sweet little herb garden… planted 3 kinds of thyme, rosemary, lavender, parsley, echinacea, mint, catnip, lemon balm, lamb’s ears, kalanchoe and a gorgeous orange canna.

I also managed to find time for a bit of artistic expression (besides cooking, music, sound healing and gardening) and I did this collage on canvas which I think is my favorite to date. So, I’ve caught you up to June with many gaps but I’ll leave you with this image. More to come.

I AM

I gave myself a vibroacoustic sound treatment today, wanting to relieve my mind and emotional body a bit and continue the healing from my recent appendectomy using Richway’s BioAcoustic Mat together with the Amethyst BioMat, a therapeutic far-infrared heating pad. Mostly I was feeling sad and worried about my brother who is in critical condition with Covid and deeply concerned for his family. I turned up the sound and turned up the heat! I played the album “A Universe to Come” by Tulku, produced by the late great Jim Wilson. All of his work lends itself really well to vibroacoustic therapy.

i dropped in fast and deep. Images came and went before I had to a chance to grasp them. The only thing I distinctly remember was the sense at a certain point that the encumbrances of my physical body had dropped away and my energetic body felt fluid and expanded. it felt like it was dancing, but not like the physical body dancing- more like waves on the ocean, being pushed by the wind and the ocean currents- but in this case by the frequencies, by the rhythms and tones of the music.

When the music was over I lay there for a long time- maybe another half hour. My mind was very still. I got up feeling quiet inside. This is the last track on the CD. It is beautiful and profound.

Cloudless

I woke up this morning and this song was the first thing that came into my head. Kind of surprising, because in truth- at least truth with a small “t”- there have been quite a few clouds obscuring the blue sky lately. I had an attack of appendicitis last week and had an emergency appendectomy and there is the situation with a seriously ill family member we are all praying for. And of course there is the war in Ukraine

On the brighter side and balancing some of the harder stuff, my second to oldest son Moose and his wife had two identical baby girls on December 26 and I have a new love that has had me preoccupied in a wonderful way, at least prior to the health crisis of the past week. The twin girls were about 6 weeks early but they are home with their parents now, super healthy and growing fast!

In regard to this video, the music was used at the end of the movie Rabbit-Proof Fence- it is a powerful and triumphant ending to the long and painful story of three young Aboriginal girls who were taken from their home in the Australian outback and placed in a settlement 2400 km away. They escaped from the settlement and made their way back home by following a rabbit-proof fence which spans over 1000 miles. The film illustrates what was a common practice between 1905-1967 of removing Aboriginal children from their family homes who were the children of one white and one Aboriginal parent and sending them away. The idea was that once they were separated from their families of origin they would eventually marry whites and over generations their Aboriginal blood would “diminish”.

The clips in this particular video are all from Gregory Colbert’s beautiful film Ashes and Snow.

Meditation, Inspiration, Restoration

It’s Sunday. Supposed to be a day of rest- which it was. But it also was a day of creative ideas and the inspiration to start something new. It’s easy to mark the time when I begin anew on a Sunday. I received the inspiration in my meditation yesterday to begin a self-guided restorative retreat today. Minimum 28 days but may go to 40 days. What I’m getting is that the retreat itself will be 28 days but I am going to do a 40-day yoga practice. I have been around people almost constantly for the past 3 months and have hardly been at home at all. In the past few days I am beginning to get reacclimated to being in my own space… by myself. The first two days I was totally exhausted from all I have been doing over the past 3 months and didn’t feel like doing anything, plus there was some personal family stuff going on that was taking quite a bit of my time and attention.

I made some good soups a couple of days ago because I had been traveling and there are so many cases of breakthrough Covid. I wanted to be ready in case I got it so I bought some chicken and made a beautiful batch of bone broth yesterday as well as some delicious cauliflower vichyssoise.

And now it’s Monday… I am looking back at yesterday- my inspiration and activity. It felt like I did so much stuff on Day One of my Restorative Retreat! Here are some of the things that are to be included in my retreat and the forms they have taken thus far. A creative activity- yesterday it was painting. Plus playing guitar, piano and drumming- all of which also fall into the soundwork category which is to be included each day. Healthy food, cleanse, diet plan… am presently preparing to do a liver flush in a few days so eating lightly- although meals are always a creative endeavor for me to some degree- and drinking a quart of organic apple juice each day for a minimum of 6 days to prepare for flush. (I will probably do 9 days.) I also made two short videos- one of me playing the piano which was just for my brother who gave me his old keyboard and a two minute video of me playing the Himalayan singing bowls just before bed- a little kiss goodnight to my friends.

I spent hours looking at some old videos from the Sound Body Center last night and posted one on YouTube, which isn’t really ready for viewing til I put the follow-up ones on there- they’re basically a sort of triptych. They’ll go together in 3 parts. I did about 45 minutes of kundalini yoga and some meditation and photographed butterflies. One of my sons gave me a beautiful digital Nikon camera a few years ago and I have had major trouble getting the settings right. I gave up on it for a long time but I’m back, slowly figuring out how to get the best out of it- another project which I am determined to succeed at.

Today I created a designated workspace for myself, did some more photography, am in the midst of uploading another video to YouTube, played the piano and have been writing. I intend by the end of the day to also have done my yoga practice and worked on my painting.

I also received the inspiration of a body prayer yesterday- combining sound and movement. Once I have completed the video of it I will share it here. It is called The Embodiment of Sound.

Meanwhile, while I have been sitting here writing I have uploaded the other two videos I mentioned from the days of the Sound Body Center. As I said before there are 3 parts to it. I didn’t post the very first one but you can find it on my YouTube channel- the caveat is that the first three minutes are a lot of talk and not much drumming so you may want to skip over some of it! I find it entertaining but you might not! The first one posted here has some great drumming with Fred Johnson and Jay Klein and the second one is Fred and I jamming together. They’re fun. So nice to revisit the sonic space of love and connection that was created there!

SMiLE!

This morning someone sent me a wonderful song (Vege-tables) by Brian Wilson which led right into this incredible brilliant joyful and heartwarming full live performance of his 2004 album release, SMiLE (begun in 1967). I had no intention of watching a music video first thing in the morning but with the opening notes I was hooked. I went into my kitchen, turned my Bose Bluetooth speaker up high, cleaned my kitchen and danced and sang- and decided I should start every day dancing! But seriously, this is brilliant- complex beautiful arrangements that could only come from the musical genius of Brian Wilson. Turn up your speakers and SMiLE!

Ring The Bells

Today is a great day in America. We can breathe again. No words are needed. I offer you this.