Cleansing, clearing , cleaning.
Cleansing, clearing, cleaning
On the inside and on the outside.
Watching how I feed my body
Watching how I feed my mind.
Stuff to be healed surfacing
On the inside and on the outside.
Cleansing tears
Cleansing fears
Cleansing laughter
What are the words I use?
How do I talk to myself?
How do I think of others?
Now is the time.
Noticing
Even the occasional guilt around
Taking so much
Time
For me
And remembering
I am not guilty.
I have been given this
Time
The Power of Intention
Whoops- I missed two days! I didn’t even think about writing a post yesterday or the day before which is kind of weird but so be it. I took on a series of challenges to start off the new year- which basically for me starts after January 8, since that is my birthday. I’m still in holiday festivity mode til it’s over.
That being said, on January 4 I started a 40-Day Kundalini Yoga Challenge through the Life-Force Academy. I also started a 5-day fast on January 9 which gently came to a close today with a bowl of wonderful sweet potato and beet soup I made. On January 7 I made a commitment to start a 3-week cleanse beginning January 11 offered by lovely wonderful bright spirit Sacha Jones of Stiggly Holistics- although waiting to begin til I finished my fast.
Now comes the interesting part- the third challenge. About four or five days ago I was missing my Course In Miracles connection and a video came up on my Facebook page of a woman named Cyndi Krupp doing a short live feed on A Course in Miracles. There are very few teachers of the Course that I listen to because I feel like everything is said in the book and what better teacher than Jesus? But for whatever reason I was drawn to it and I listened to her and absolutely loved her presentation. I heard her say something about something you could sign up for which I ignored - just listened to the video and really connected with her message. She said one thing so succinctly and perfectly that I wrote it down, “All pain is nothing other than being disconnected from the Truth.” Later the same day I was in my living room doing my Kundalini practice and sometime during my meditation I had the thought, “I want to do a 40-day retreat. Here, now, in my home. I have the time and I need to make good use of the opportunity.” It was just a thought that came and went but it stayed to some degree quietly in the background.
The next day I decided to see if Cyndi had another video up, which she did. And this time I heard her clearly say that a program was beginning the next day, January 11, called The 40 Day Program to Transformation with another Course in Miracles teacher, Lisa Natoli. She said it had changed her life, that she began to have a real understanding and direct experience of the teachings of the Course when she did the 40-Day Program the first time.
So on January 11 I started both the Stiggly cleanse and Lisa’s program. I’ve only been in for 3 days but they have been an amazing powerful 3 days. The second day, January 12 I had a bizarre healing event occur which I will not describe because it wasn’t pretty. I will simply say that it is an issue that has been with me for years and years and I have been actively addressing it for the past few months. I am sure that the combination of internal fasting and cleansing combined with the kundalini practice brought it to the surface to finally be healed.
I have a lot of things right now to attend to throughout my day, videos to listen to, stuff to read, journaling, meditation but it’s the perfect time to do it all and the 3 programs weave together absolutely perfectly. Example- part one of preparation for both the Stiggly cleanse and the 40-day transformational work involve cleaning and clearing one’s space- decluttering. And watching what I put into my body and what I put into my mind will be a constant for the next few weeks and hopefully will be a practice which becomes a habit. The yogis say it takes 40 days to break a habit and 40 days to create a new habit.
Also an interesting side note on fasting that came up. I had chosen to fast before I started Sacha’s cleansing program and actually continued it for a couple of days into the program. Lisa talks about fasting essentially from our old ways, our stories and our mistaken beliefs about ourselves ("I’m not good enough” etc.) and one of the things that stood out to me that I had never thought of before was the two meanings of the word “fast”. One is to abstain and the other is quick-moving or hurried and I suddenly realized that fasting gets you there quicker. I love words.
The Power of Mantra, The Science of Sound
Yesterday, January 6, 2021, was not a good day in the history of America- the culmination of four years of narcissism, arrogance, intolerance and self-righteousness by a disgruntled employee of the people.
I made a commitment to myself a few days ago- that I would put something out there every day on this blog. I missed yesterday because I was beside myself as the events of the day unfolded. I actually went into escape mode for a while- took a drive so I could listen to the news and not be sitting in my house watching it all on the TV or computer. I needed a change of scenery. When I got back I went up to Mahesh and Mukta’s, my neighbor/friends in the other house on the property where I live, and had pizza and a glass of wine. I was going to stay up there and blow off Day 6 of the 7-day mantra practice I have been doing with Jai Uttal but somehow, after eating way too much pizza, I felt somewhat emotionally revived and decided to go back up to my house and chant. I knew it would be the best thing for me and that I would be really disappointed in myself if I missed it.
Chanting in the time of Covid… I swore I would never do webinars- now I am so grateful for them. Thank you Jai and beautiful Nubia for bringing yourselves to our living rooms!
And of course I was so grateful that I listened to my heart rather than my mind as I knew I would be. As always the chant was perfect for the day - a devotional prayer to Hanuman, the monkey-god whose heart is so big and so full that it overflows with ardent love and devotion for Lord Ram and his beloved Sita. The perfect chant when the heart is feeling wounded.
On another note which isn’t exactly a change of topic- it relates- I am fascinated by the way significant dates repeat themselves. Exactly 15 years ago yesterday, on January 6, 2006 I sustained a fairly serious head injury. I was hit in the temple on the right side of my head by a large speaker. I got a concussion but the miracle was that the flat side of the speaker hit me square in my temple. I am convinced if it had been at the slightest angle the damage would have been far worse. Anyway, that is another whole story but what I want to get to here is how nāda yoga, the yoga- or science- of sound, which Sadhguru talks about in the above video, saved me or at least got me on a faster track to recovery.
About a month and a half after the injury- I hadn’t yet started driving again and could still barely talk, had a fair amount of swelling and pain- my nāda yoga teacher Shyam Bhatnagar offered a 7-day sound meditation retreat in Fort Meyers, FL. We sat with Shyamji and chanted for several hours every day, along with doing a dietary cleanse. Shyamji is a nāda yoga master and uses the voice, mantra and tamboura. After about 3 days I started noticing distinct changes. My mind started getting clearer and there were differences in my energy level. When I arrived at the retreat I already could see considerable improvement compared to the acute stage but with the mantra and meditation practices I could distinctly sense that my nervous system was receiving benefits on a subtle yet very deep level. I also had a lot of emotional clearing during the process and became aware of the deep level of trauma that I had undergone as a result of the injury.
The healing process was long- a good year- but the improvement in the beginning with a week of mantra practice with someone who really understood the science of sound was profound. I had many other helpers during this time who I am deeply indebted to, but the mantra and purification practice with Shyamji certainly helped get the ball rolling.
Gratitude
I woke up extremely conscious of the passage of time yesterday and am feeling directed to make better use of it. There is no shortage of it- as well as the opportunity to spend a lot of said time in solitude. My intention this winter was to focus on immersing myself in the experience and study of sound and its effects in various forms. Of course that has been my path for a very long time but there is an opportunity right now since there is no gathering in groups and I am in a new place and not particularly inclined to promote private sessions right now until the spread of Covid begins to subside.
To that end I have joined a 7-day mantra practice with Jai Uttal as well as a 40-day kundalini yoga practice which begins on January 4. Those are the formal practices I am engaging in. Then there are my personal practices. I am definitely exploring the effects of Richway’s BioAcoustic Mat since I do not have my Soundweaver here. I haven’t been using it as often as I could but that is going to change too! I am using it with the BioMat on top which is a great combination. Yesterday I gave myself a 50-minute session while doing long distant healing for a friend at the same time. The music I used was Nawang Khechog and Carlos Nakai’s recording “Winds of Devotion” which is so beautiful and one that I have always found to be very powerful and effective on the Soundweaver.
Today I went for a beautiful walk in the woods. I found myself filled with deep gratitude… gratitude for time, for beauty, for the experience of being in a body where- because of the apparent separation- we have the gift of appreciation, for my teachers- past and present, known and unknown, for my ancestors, for my family, my parents, my siblings, my children and grandchildren, for all the masters who have walked the earth, for all that is past and all that is to come. It was an endless, expansive and totally joyful experience. From gratitude I moved into prayer. i walked and I prayed and I prayed and i walked. The prayer became the simple mantra from Dr. Emoto, “I love you, I thank you, I respect you.” As I looked at the trees, the water, the ferns, the rocks, the sky, felt the air on my skin, heard the sounds of the running water, thought about the molecules, atoms and particles that all matter is composed of… “I love you, I thank you, I respect you.” And myself, a hand on my heart “I love you”, joined by my other hand on my heart “I thank you”, and one hand then raised to my third eye “I respect you”. Over and over, tears streaming down my face.
I love you.
I thank you.
I respect you.
A New Dawn
2021. Happy New Year! I feel good. I feel hopeful.
2+0+2+1= 5. In numerology 5 is about change and transformation and after 2020 (4, think “square”, grounded, solid, not particularly creative or forward thinking) I think we are all looking forward to some major changes. That’s all I’m going to say about that!
It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day… and it’s a new year! I went to sleep a little after midnight and woke up at 4 a.m. thinking about things I want to get done and one of the first things that came to mind was to start blogging again. Along with it came this song.
Circles, Cycles and Sound in the Time of Covid
For the past 3 days I have been immersed in the Sound Healing Global Summit online. Two days left. I had an idea that I couldn’t stand online workshops but in the time of Covid I am finding myself incredibly grateful for them. I dipped my toe in when I was in the Philippines- initially to attend a Weight Watchers meeting that I used to go to every Saturday morning when I was at home in Rhode Island. It was so wonderful to see familiar faces and feel the connection from 12000 miles away! After that I started joining in on Jai Uttal’s Friday evening kirtans and Gina Sala’s Monday Mantra class, which for me, being 15 hours ahead, were a perfect way for me to start my Saturday and Tuesday mornings- with joyful sound and meditation- and to dive into practices that otherwise were completely inaccessible to me where I was, especially once we were in lockdown.
So back to the Sound Healing Summit…
FAST FORWARD!!! I started writing this on August 5. It is now October 17. My life has made such a wide and clear circle in a year. One year ago today I was getting ready to drive to North Carolina to help my dear friend and former partner Henry navigate his way through a health procedure. Sadly he died on October 18 while I was still on the road. Two days later my sister Jenny died. Henry’s death hit me like a sledgehammer and I spent a year moving through layers of grief around that. Now, a full year later, I find myself in North Carolina living in the house where he spent the last year of his life which he had helped one of our very close friends to build.
Last week, on October 11, we had a Celebration of Life on Zoom for my sister Jenny, and I found myself processing a lot of untapped grief around that. It was a beautiful event and I am so grateful that it was a full year later so that I could be fully present for it and not held captive by the feelings I had been dealing with around Henry’s death.
So… transition, changes, travel, lockdown, Philippines, music, sound and healing…
The Sound Healing Summit was an inspiration. At some point well into my stay in the Philippines, after being on what turned out to be a major sabbatical that went on much longer than I anticipated, I realized I could not make a plan as to what would be next. And I knew that I would know what the next step was to be quite simply whenever it came to me. Clarity came within the first hour of my tuning into the Sound Summit. I have a lot to process and won’t get into much detail here but it centers around creating a Wholistic Sound Certification Program. Nothing will begin to happen until at least the spring. I am spending the winter here in North Carolina brainstorming, formulating a plan, and writing.
When I went to the Philippines I brought one small (but mighty!) Himalayan singing bowl with me. I had an idea about doing short meditations and making some videos. Unfortunately there was never a strong enough signal to post them so now I am posting one short video I made one beautiful morning on Camiguin. The sound is not great as there was a ton of background noise- the people of the little fishing village mending their nets right behind me- and I was really just experimenting. Unfortunately since it turned out to be impossible to upload anything I never refined the process!
Where Everything Is Music
So much time has gone by so quickly and so full of deep emotion that it has all been a blur. The recent losses have hit me hard- Henry, my sister Jenny and most recently a dear and beautiful friend in Sedona who had brain cancer. Losses punctuated with feelings of deep love and gratitude. I feel that a major chapter of my life has closed and I am standing on a threshold. I know I will be making some big changes soon- I do hope that they will lead me ultimately to the creation of another sound healing center but right now I am just taking a big breath.
A friend sent me this beautiful poem this morning and it was so perfect that it inspired me to finally post on my blog again!
Where Everything is Music
We have fallen into the place
where everything is music.
The strumming and the flute notes
rise into the atmosphere,
and if the whole world's harp
should burn up,
there will still be hidden instruments
playing, playing
This singing art
is sea foam.
The graceful movements
come from a pearl
somewhere
on the ocean floor.
Poems reach up like spindrift
and the edge of driftwood
along the beach
wanting, wanting
They derive from a slow
and powerful root
that we cannot see.
Stop the words now.
Open the window
in the center of your chest,
and let the spirits fly
in and out!
-Rumi
Music, Tears and Gratitude
Mostly I am “okay”. Home and putting things away that Henry had saved for me. A three-week road trip which in many ways felt like an inner pilgrimage. Even though I was on the road I couldn’t really just leave everything indefinitely so instead I just tried to hold an open space for myself on the inside.
And like I said, mostly I am “okay.” And then there are those moments, which come further and further apart but still arrive… when I hear a piece of music like this and I am hit with a tidal wave of sadness and gut-wrenching tears. I am grateful that I can allow myself to feel and cry when I need to.
Grateful for the power music has to pick us up, carry us on a river of emotions and drop us on the other shore!
Expanding the Boundaries of the Heart
Jenny and Henry, Ipswich 2011
On October 18 my former live-in partner and still beloved Henry Steffes passed away. The day after he passed I was on the phone with my sister Jenny who was undergoing treatment for ovarian cancer. The chemo was rough but she never complained. On that day, Saturday, October 19 I was on my way to North Carolina, driving. I thought I would be helping Henry get back on his feet but that was not to be. He had already passed by the time I hit the halfway mark on the road. Jenny and i had a long conversation full of laughter. She loved Henry, as all who knew him did, and he made her laugh. She apologized saying, ”I’m sorry- I can’t help it. he was so funny. Whenever I think of him I start laughing.” Periodically I would apologize to her. I knew she had had a chemo treatment only two days earlier and must have been feeling awful but each time I would try to get off the phone she’d say “Oh don’t worry about me” and would continue the conversation. She passed the following night.
In 2011 Henry and I went up to Massachusetts to converge with Jenny at my mother’s house. One bright fall day we had a long lovely walk in Ipswich near Crane Beach. It was a memorable day full of beauty, laughter and a sense of camaraderie.
My head has been filled with snippets of various songs since they passed. “Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind…” (Beatles)
“Death is unreal, that’s the way I feel.
There’s more to be revealed.
Lovers and friends meet again and again on the dear old battlefield…” (Incredible String Band)
Words I have heard over and over in the past week to describe Henry- kind, gentle, caring…. Jenny- wise, witty, warm… Two beauties… I feel the boundaries of my heart being pushed wider and wider- at first I thought the aching might hurt too much but it only lets in more love and gratitude.
Happy Sad
As usual I have waited days upon days upon days to get back to this. Okay, no. I wasn’t waiting! I was just busy with life and the ten thousand things. Blog is first in my mind pretty much on a daily basis- but somehow ends up last on the list. And way too often when I finally get here I am almost instantly snatched up and dragged down the rabbit hole of an overabundance of unwanted emails, tantalizing ads on the Internet (especially now when I am actively look for another vehicle, which means constant pop-ups of car ads), YouTube… oh yes, YouTube…
So, I have to be firmly committed to the task at hand. It’s Thursday, the fourth of July. My intention was to write about the nostalgia aroused in me by seeing the new (and wonderful) Woodstock movie last night. And then a feather drifted across my desk and I was reminded by my friend Jim, who passed away the day before yesterday, that there was another story to tell.
Yesterday morning I got a call from my dear friend Lynda that our friend Jim Feeley had passed away the day before. He was a great big teddy bear Paul Bunyan-type love of a man. He loved and laughed and hugged so hard that I wasn’t sure if he’d crush me sometimes. He was brilliant, a creative and artistic genius. I had been out and was driving home when I listened to my voicemail… my friend sobbing as she relayed the news. I cried for a few minutes as I was driving and then said “Jim…” and there he was, in the ethers. I knew in an instant he was so free, how his body had been weighing him down for so long with health challenges and COPD. Shortly thereafter I was able to reach Lynda and as I pulled in my driveway I sat in the car, talking to her on the phone, crying some more, knowing how much he loved and was loved by others and what a huge gift that was.
Just as we were about to get off the phone a small perfect pale gray feather drifted down from the sky and landed on my windshield right in front of me. Obviously from Jimmy and such a clear message that he was truly free. I was blown away- it was so perfect and beautiful. I thanked him and got out of my car and took this photo. Of course I saved the feather and even though I had it on the windowsill with the window closed he still managed to catch a breeze and fly right in front of me as I sat down to write this!
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It just changes form. Thanks for the reminder Jimmy.
On another note, because the purpose of this blog is always to share in some way the power of music and sound to touch and heal the heart, soul, mind and body I am posting a video of the late great Tim Buckley. I heard a snippet of this song last night in the Woodstock movie, even though he wasn’t actually there- but they managed to weave it into the background regardless and it was such a treat to hear it, a remembrance of youthful innocence and carefree days. One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite albums of all time- “Happy Sad”. How appropriate. I am realizing that I used that line in an email I wrote this morning to Jim’s stepdaughter…
What Does Love Sound Like?
Giving a demo sound session -Healing With Tibetan Singing Bowls workshop- Tallahassee, FL 2019
So many people ask me how I got into sound as a healing modality. The more I look back over the years to my attraction to sound, music and frequency I see how it was with me from the beginning. Some years ago I started writing a book on sound healing which I put on the shelf for a long time when I opened my sound healing center in FL. Recently I have decided to revisit it and a few days ago I opened to this section. Here’s a little bit about how I got here…
Excerpt from SOUND POSSIBILITIES: Restoring Balance and Harmony Through Sound and Music by Rosemary Warburton (in process- unfinished and unpublished. Please do not copy.)
Chapter on Sacred Sound: A Journey to the Heart (Part One)
“Everything has a vibratory essence and carries its unique tone.
Even the movement of blood in your veins emits its own sound.
You are music.
Ask yourselves, 'What does love sound like?'
And then make that sound.
The desire to be in harmony is, in itself, a statement of love.”
~Emmanuel's Book II: The Choice for Love~ (Compiled by Pat Rodegast and Judith Stanton, 1989)
The Beginning
My first memory: I am an infant lying in my crib on my stomach rubbing my hand on the sheet. There are two experiences happening simultaneously- one, the tingling in my hand that spreads through my tiny body; the other, the transfer of sound that I can both hear and feel, a gentle whooshing like a quiet waterfall that both soothes and fascinates my infant mind. From then on, this simple act of rubbing my hand back and forth on the sheet, the combination of sound and sensation, became my lullaby whenever I was put down in my crib for a nap or at bedtime. It is the memory of a conscious discovery that there was something I could do for myself that would relax me and send me drifting into a beautiful dreamy state, that place that babies go to when they look like they are half-drunk with fatigue and bliss and a belly full of milk. This was the sound, the feeling and the action that lulled me to sleep as a very tiny child and, in my conscious awareness, not only my first memory but also my first experience of sound medicine.
Only recently did I realize that this gentle whooshing was also the sound inside my mother's womb. When there was no arguing or fighting going on, this was the sound that I heard- the ancient rhythm of blood and water, a gentle whooshing; and I was safe there, soothed by the rhythms and the tones of the quiet waterfall within my mother's womb.
Newborn babies can sleep through almost anything. When they are tired they simply fall asleep. They sleep through parties, loud noises, sirens screaming outside. They haven't yet developed the quality of “resistance” that comes with the development of the ego. As we get older if we hear a loud sound or a disturbing noise, we tend to tense up rather than allowing it to move through us; resisting instead of practicing the art of breathing and letting go.
As a child I was extremely sensitive to sound. I don't know when this began but as far back as I can remember I could not tolerate loud noises. My parents separated when I was four and, although I don't remember it, I think that prior to that there was a lot of loud shouting, arguing and fighting. I suspect that contributed to my discomfort with loud sounds. My father was very scary and prone to angry outbursts and tirades that came without warning.
Fireworks and thunderstorms were equally terrifying to me. It was as though I could physically feel the sounds and vibrations in my body, especially in my chest, to such an extent that they were actually painful. By the same token I loved music and the outdoor sounds of birdsongs, crickets, cicadas and junebugs. Before my parents divorced we attended church on Sundays. My mother discontinued not long after their separation but up until then I loved going to church because I so loved the singing of the hymns and the sound of voices blending together as one. To this day the sound of a choir will bring tears to my eyes for the sheer poignant beauty of the sound.
Music class was my favorite time in school and at home if I wasn't singing or listening to music on the radio there was always a song in my mind. When I was 7 years old I was given my first transistor radio- this was straight out music therapy for me! I loved music and wanted to listen to it day in and day out and this way I could. I was 5th in the line of 6 children- in classic codependent family dynamics I was the "lost child", the "quiet one." I was introverted, shy, fearful and hypersensitive. What could be better than to lose myself in music? If I was unhappy or got scolded I would retire to my room and listen to my radio. At night I hid it under my pillow and played it softly so that no could hear it but me. For many years music rocked me to sleep at night.
My father was the first person to introduce me to the idea that sound was powerful enough to change the world around us. He was an avid student of metaphysics, spirituality and the occult. I remember a dinner conversation one evening- I was probably eleven or twelve- during which he began to talk about the power of sound and how it has been used throughout the ages to enlighten, to heal and sometimes negatively to control large groups of people or societies. Two things he said that evening made an indelible impression on my mind. One was that there is a theory that when the pyramids were built Egyptian priests may have actually levitated the huge stones with sound frequencies. It is believed by some that they were able to direct vibrational frequencies with some kind of tuning forks embedded with crystals to the extent that they could control and manipulate physical objects. I remember him talking about how the stones were placed so close together and so perfectly that it was impossible to slip even a piece of paper between them.
For some reason this made more sense to me, “resonated with me”, far more than any other explanation I had ever heard. It was news to me- big news!- and I was very intrigued by the possibility. Even with no understanding of energy it seemed much more plausible to me that one could use vibrational frequencies to move matter far more efficiently than with brute strength. I loved the whole idea! Not long after that that we were studying ancient civilizations in my 6th grade World History class and we got to the chapter on Egypt. I will always remember the drawing of hundreds of laborers with huge carts, levers and pulleys and thinking, “That's not how they did it!” although I wasn't about to say anything- I never forgot it though. Twenty-some years later I picked up my first book on sacred sound by Ted Andrews and found this same theory presented in the opening pages. Clearly I had come full circle and it was exactly the confirmation I needed to continue on down the road. (Scroll down to the bottom of this page to see a really cool video on Acoustic Levitation!)
The other thing that my father talked about was how, whenever Jesus performed a healing, he always used his voice, uttering words spoken with authority and conviction. The premise was that the power of the spoken word was a vehicle for the healing. In the words of Charles Fillmore, “He used words as the vehicle of the healing potency. He always spoke to the patient 'as one having authority.' He had a certain assurance, an inner conviction, that He was speaking the truth when He said, 'Thou art made whole'; and the result of His understanding carried conviction to the mind of the patient and opened the way for the "virtue" that went forth from the speaker.” ~Teach Us to Pray, by Charles Fillmore, [1941]~
The way I understand this today is that the voice carries or transmits the frequency and the intention which aligns the energy and allows healing to take place. Sound is a carrier wave for intention.
Even at a young age this “rang true” for me because I was already so aware of the effect that sound had on me personally due to my incredible sensitivity to it. There were certain sounds that I was in love with, that could make me stop dead in my tracks, and other sounds I simply couldn't bear. In fact my family was constantly trying to “cure” me of my sensitivity to loud noises, as if it were some kind of a disease, by doing things like trying to force me to watch the 4th of July fireworks without blocking my ears, or holding my arms by my sides when they shot the cannon on my father's boat. Needless to say, their efforts were both unwelcome and unsuccessful and probably were more traumatizing than anything else.
The conversations with my father however ultimately shaped my future, although many years passed before I became aware of the true impact they had on my life. I consider myself very fortunate to have had the exposure to metaphysics and spirituality at such an early age. I was attracted to yoga and meditation from when I was quite young and when I was around 13 my father met a lovely woman from Switzerland he would eventually marry and who happened to be a yoga teacher. Both of my parents were quite ahead of their time in their understanding of natural health and I had actually started going to yoga classes with my mother when I was about ten years old. Now I started attending my stepmother's yoga classes and was exposed to Sanskrit chanting. Her first yoga teacher was Dr. Ramamurti Mishra, the great Sanskrit scholar and nada yogi (nada yoga is the science of sacred sound), also known as Shri Brahmanada Sarasvati.
I was on my path, trying out different meditations and chanting always seemed to work for me. I would sit alone in the woods, on the rocks by the ocean or on the beach and chant for hours on end. At the very least it cleared my mind and relieved me of some of my teenage angst! But more than that, I always felt happy when I chanted. Sometimes it seemed as though it altered the world around me as much as my inner world. I would be transported from a simple and beautiful path in the woods to a world of deeper magic. My senses were heightened and every leaf and blade of grass, every rock and patch of moss would come alive with dewdrops and prisms of light.
When I was 14, summer of 1969, just before I was headed off to my first year of boarding school, I got caught smoking pot. This was a pretty huge deal for me since instead of going to the progressive arts boarding school to which I had been accepted and was very excited about, plans were changed and I was sent to The National Cathedral School for Girls, a very strict and “proper” girls boarding school in Washington, DC. This was very much the decision of my father and an attempt to straighten me out before I became a washed up drug fiend! It was awful. I was miserable and I would have to say it had pretty much the opposite of the desired effect. I felt as though I had been thoroughly abandoned and forsaken. I rebelled against every rule and regulation. I was only there for one year- thank God. They actually told me on the last day of school not to come back under any circumstances- which I considered a victory!
It was, however, an important year for me. I truly discovered the importance of music as a healing balm for my soul that year. My older brother Tim gave me a KLH stereo as a gift when I left for school and it was my saving grace. Every day when I came back to my room after classes I would lie on my floor with my head between the speakers and “disappear”. I had also started playing the guitar and my music and my songs were my other consolation. If it weren't for my music I don't know how I would have made it through that year- and many years to come for that matter.
I had two other experiences when I was in Washington that winter which had a profound impact on me. They both took place at the National Cathedral. In honor of what would have been Mahatma Gandhi's 100th birthday, Ravi Shankar was to play at the cathedral and we students in our blue plaid uniforms were required to go! I was familiar with his music and resonated deeply with the sound of Indian music. Very few of my classmates had ever heard of him but I was well aware that it was an incredible piece of good fortune to be able to hear this man play. I was sitting in the balcony of the cathedral and I can still see him walking down the aisle below between the rows of pews with his small entourage. A woman dressed in a colorful sari accompanied him on the tamboura. From the moment he walked in I was totally captivated and when he began playing I was mesmerized and deeply moved by the beauty of it. The exquisite subtleties of the music and the majesty of the cathedral combined to enter me deeply, magically, beautifully.
The other event was when John Denver played at the cathedral and led “The Lord of the Dance”. He began by singing the song but then had all of us come together, holding hands and basically do a snake dance through the cathedral weaving in and out among columns and arches. I don't know how many people were there but I would imagine there would have easily been 200-300 or more. It was one of the most joyful experiences of my life and probably the first time I witnessed the power of music as a way of connecting people in a very real and profound way.
When I was nineteen years old I was taught a series of powerful kriya yoga meditation techniques. One was a technique which enabled me to focus on the inner current of sound. There are many names for this inner sound current; “anahata nada”- the unstruck sound, celestial harmony, “naad” and “shabda” are but a few. “Anahata nada” is sound that is not caused by an external force. It is a totally internal experience. From this practice I learned to go deeply within myself and become very still so that I could hear the inner sound and truly be carried on the current. It is like riding a wave of bliss. This was to become extremely important for me not only for the immediate gifts that the meditation brought but also for the use of this technique in later years as part of my understanding of the workings of sound on the subtle energy system. (Part Two coming soon!))
Running- and DBs!!!
Yowzer!!! Busy days… the usual challenge, wanting to write, thinking about what is most interesting and exciting to share in my life and world which is always filled with sound and music. Of course if I wrote every day- or even once a week- I wouldn’t feel like I have to cram everything into one post!
Two great musical events in the last two weeks, one as I was making way to Tallahassee. I called my best friend from boarding school who I’ve seen just a handful of times in the past few years, having been reunited thanks to classmates.com about 15 years ago and told her I wanted to visit her in Baltimore as I was driving through. She was excited and the next time we talked she said she had gotten some tickets for a great concert. Well, we’ve all changed in the past 45 years, right? So I was not sure what kind of concert it might be… I said, Cool! Who is it? The Doobie Brothers! She said she thought we should revisit our high school concert going days… Well, I was all over that! They were so great and we had the best time.
If you look closely you may notice the tears in my eyes in this picture. I had literally just seen a video and photo from a surprise engagement party my son was throwing that evening for his fiancee in Minneapolis! Unfortunately I was en route to FL and could not delay getting down there so I had to miss the party. (We’re having another one for them in July though with his RI family and friends!)
And here is the aforementioned- and in my opinion what should be award-winning photo taken by my daughter-in-law Kimberlee Whaley!
From there I headed to Tallahassee with a brief stop in North Carolina. The night after I arrived in Tallahassee i went with a group of friends to see the most amazing band. It was without question one of the best, most exciting and dynamic musical experiences I have ever had. DakhaBrakha. Another DB band comprised of a group of 4 extraordinary Ukrainian musicians, one man and three woman. Their music is eclectic, their excellence as musicians is awe-inspiring, their joy is infectious.
And now I’m sitting here at the kitchen table in my friends’ house in Tallahassee with Sound Journeys and workshops already behind me and more ahead of over the next five weeks, here and in St. Pete. Life is very busy, very full, very exciting and I am running to keep up with it all! I am making it my intention to get back to this page sooner so that I can share more of the exciting stuff that is going on.
AA Bondy's Back (or, Where Does the Time Go?)
Seriously I intend to get on this page EVERY DAY! The truth is I have amazing experiences related to sound and music and healing or at least one of those three EVERY SINGLE DAY- and I want to write about them- I want to share them. That is a true desire of mine.
The time slips by so fast. Amazing how real an illusion can feel. Heh heh…
Well, I couldn’t let this one go by. New song by AA Bondy, after 8 long years of… I don’t know. Couldn’t tell you. He’s been quiet. I only know that I loved AA Bondy from the first song I ever heard by him… which was? Don’t remember, a whole lot of his music hit me at once. My son Moose loved him (still does, turned me on to this song earlier today) as did my friend Devon and suddenly there was a lot of AA Bondy around.
So, he has released this one song as a preview to his new album which is being released in full on May 10. I think I have listened to this at least 8 times today- the last time on YouTube through my TV which is hooked up to my stereo. One more thing, his house burned down in the California wildfires the day after he completed the album- which is called “Enderness” by the way. Life is so weird.
Sound, Medicine of the Future. Now.
A little over 20 years ago I had a client with essential tremors, much like the woman in the video in the attached article. The first time he went on the Soundweaver, with the vibroacoustic therapy and some light hands-on energy work, his tremors completely stopped. I would say that first time it took about ten minutes. After the session his tremors started up again like an old engine slowly starting up and within about 30 seconds they were totally back. But he had experienced relief. He told me it was the most relaxed he had been in 8 years since the tremors started up and that during the session he had no tremors at all. He said that at night when he slept he could feel his organs still shaking but during the session everything stopped.
Afterward he wrote a testimonial: “I fell into a state of meditation. I was in a void with beautiful light-blue light. All of my tremors stopped. It was like I was in a void with no end and no beginning. As soon as I felt like there was something beyond that, I reached for that Unknown and I came out of my state of meditation. as if I wasn’t supposed to go any further. It was a wonderful experience.” CST, 7.30.96
For the next year or so he came to me regularly for sessions. After the first session the entrainment set in much more quickly and it would only take about 3 minutes for his tremors to come to a total stop. They would always start right up again shortly after the music stopped, but he would get a reprieve and a period of deep rest that was very rejuvenating for him. The relief from going into such a deep state of relaxation would stay with him for a few days- which was huge. And then the exhaustion of the tremors would begin to set in again.
Close to a year later he shared another experience in a testimonial: “Most of the time I was in a marble chamber and at the entrance was some kind of a huge sculpting of a snake-like creature on the right. Inside it was calm and peaceful, no other people. Then I went into a place where everything became light. Light blue. It was so peaceful and calm that you feel no weight. When you are in there it is an extension of your life and you do not want to come back. I spent the rest of the time in the blue light. I feel like I am floating. I didn’t even feel the weight of my arms when I came out.” CST, 5.26.97
He didn’t come back much after that. It seemed that it became perhaps too painful emotionally for him to come back to his body after being in such a deeply restful and beautiful space. Not long after this he had surgery for his tremors which wasn’t entirely successful as I recall, but that’s another story and not mine to tell. He was elderly when I was treating him and passed away several years later. Working with him was an incredible gift for me and I know there was a period of time where it was extremely helpful for him. It was also tremendously educational as I was still fairly new to the work- had only been practicing a few years- and opened me to tremendous new possibilities with rhythmic entrainment and vibroacoustic therapy (introducing sound directly to the body through the use of a mat or recliner with speakers built into it).
Tonight I ran across this video about brain surgery with sound- in this case for essential tremors- very exciting!!! Click on this link for the full article.
Hej, Me I'm Light
Happy 2019 my friends! I went to the gym this morning after a late night of Irish music on New Year’s Eve and a chill day yesterday. The gym has a bank of TVs across the entire length of the room- at least 20 of them, maybe 30-with ten stations to choose from. All the current news stations of choice- CNN, MSNBC, Fox (no comment), the Food Network (which led me straight to the store after the gym the other day to buy pastrami, lol!), some home renovation channel and some other uninteresting choices. Occasionally I listen to podcasts on my phone (Alec Baldwin, Geoff Thompson, or NPR’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me”). Usually I’m captivated by MSNBC but at a certain point today I found it all too disheartening, bordering on nauseating. And it was only 8:30 a.m. I decided the best choice if I was going to stay on the treadmill another 10 minutes was music. So I put this track on repeat. Best thing I could have done. Totally changed my energy. Music is the balm… ;-)
Amusing Musical Musings
Really I don’t have any! I just liked the way all those words fit together. Let’s see what happens with a little stream of rambling though. I can’t call it stream of consciouslness because I’m not sure how much consciousness will actually be expressed here!
Some of the things I have been recently ruminating on… First, the sound journey I did two weeks ago at St. Mary’s Church in Portsmouth, RI. I played longer than usually- not incredibly longer but maybe 8-10 minutes longer… and I felt like I could have just hung out and gone on and on. I had to reel myself in at a certain point (that point being when I looked at the time).
It was such a gorgeous space- I had been wanting to do a sound journey in there ever since I first went there for a yoga class about a year ago. I record all my sound journeys so a few days ago I was listening back to this one. I often don’t remember what I did after a sound journey- I am in such a focused and meditative state. I just remember the feeling and the overall vibe of it. Sometimes there are certain instruments that stand out or maybe a particular chant. This one happened to be particularly trippy- there were a lot of combinations of tones that were creating very interesting and powerful binaural beats and as I perceived them I began to play off them and amplify them.
A few nights ago I went to a ukulele class. Now THAT was fun!!! I expected a small group of 12-20 people but it turned out that there were over 50 people in the beginner’s class- probably closer to 60- and the songbook we have been given is so much fun. Goofy songs like “Put The Lime in the Coconut” to songs by Herman’s Hermits, The Beach Boys and the Beatles- lots of Beatles tunes. My new favorite song to practice is “Don’t Pass Me By”- not something I ever imagined playing on the ukulele!
And then I went to an amazing workshop this past weekend at John Beaulieu’s property in Stone Ridge, NY- auriculotherapy with tuning forks- ie using tuning forks on acupuncture points in the ear, a brilliant therapy that I have wanted to learn for 20 years. It was a small group and thus a very intimate workshop and just what I needed for balance, inspiration and some great new information. John also gave me a really powerful treatment as part of his demo on Sunday morning which was also sorely needed. I have been trying to get my energy back and release some of the physical and emotional toll that my trips to Utah took on me earlier this year when my son Benjamin was having health challenges. A short treatment with John- who is such an extraordinary sound healing practitioner, bringing together his skills as a psychologist, osteopath, craniosacral therapist, musician extraordinaire and so much more- was just the right medicine.
And to top it off, we were in John’s sound studio which is for me, and I am sure all of the other sound healing practitioners, artists and musicians who are drawn to being there, like Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory was for Charlie!
MTHSMIMT #6 & #7- More of my favorites!
Every day is FULL!!! Full of life, full of people, full of music. The one thing that seems to be lacking is time. My mind also is full. Every day there are so many bright moments of inspiration and awakening that I want to share and here it is, past midnight and I am knowing I have an early day tomorrow so I can only take a quick minute to post a couple more of my favorite pieces of music.
Here you go- one of the greatest soul men of our time. In doing a little research I discovered that he died on my birthday 2 years ago. I saw him several times back in the late eighties and he was wonderful and so accessible. I called him once at his home in Chicago- (those were the days when you could still get a phone number from information!) to tell him how much my boyfriend and I loved him and he answered the phone himself! The next time we saw him he dedicated a song to us (Love and Happiness).
So put on your dancing shoes and turn it up! The second one is one of the all time greatest songs ever, imho!!!
MTHSMIMT#- Day 5 Make-up!
Well, I fell off the wagon really fast! I am determined to catch up but tonight only time to jump on here quickly and post one new song although more and more are being added to my
”stopped in my tracks” playlist.
I listened to this whole album tonight loud- it was so good. Musical immersion… Did a few quick expressive art drawings while listening. Will post on Facebook tomorrow.
A Happy Song to Start the Day!
Good morning! Feeling happy, joyful and grateful today. As apparently per usual these days, I think of my blog every day and before I know it the day has gotten away from me and I am off and running and another day goes by, and I have not visited with you- whoever you are that may be reading this. In fact, I am sitting here at a little table in a little Airbnb in Vancouver, Canada wondering if I should stop, get up and make breakfast and get back to this. Bad idea! Breakfast can wait. Sharing musical ecstasy cannot wait another minute, hour or day.
Everyday, whether I actually get to this or not, and obviously by the date of my last post it has been quite a while, I wonder what I can share today- whether it is a tidbit on sound healing, music that excites me or the simple sound of a bird. One of my favorite recordings is that of sheep in Holland that I recorded on my iPhone a few years ago. It’s in my voice memos and makes me laugh every time I hear it. It was the day I discovered that sheep have distinctly different voices. It spans the range of an almost squeaky bleating sound of a lamb to a very gruff and deep voice of what sounds like must be a large older male, though really I have no idea- maybe it’s the little one’s mama. But it’s funny- and if I were ever able to figure out how to post some of my voice memos here I would.
I have hours and hours of music, workshops, sound journeys, kirtan, practice- as well as cicadas in Sedona, peepers in North Carolina (the Murphy, NC Wall of Sound!), Dutch sheep, birds in the backyard, birds in Holland, morning sounds in Maui, whale songs, my granddaughter Noelle when she was barely 3 singing a hysterical song she made up (I Don’t Care About the Truth), a ferry on Lake Kootenay (British Columbia- just recorded that one a couple of days ago)- all recorded with the Voice Memo App which is surprisingly good.
So- a couple of days ago I was in the grocery store in Vancouver and out of the relatively distant past comes the voice of Bruce Cockburn singing one of my very most favorite songs which I had not heard in years. And for the last two days I have been wondering what I might share in my next blog post. Talking about music and sound is all good- but there has to be an experience as well. There is no understanding without an experience- at least in my experience! And this morning I woke up thinking, that’s it- today’s the day. Sit your ass down and write something! And I wondered- and there it was. I’m wondering where the lions are.
Love, Loss and Impermanence
Benjy Wertheimer shared this earlier this morning on Facebook. Powerful, poignant and deeply resonant- good words to wake up to. He had a powerful reference point for it in his own story of love, loss, grief and more love. I know we will each have our own context.
For me, in this moment, it is much about my last few months as I wrote about in my previous post- feeling as though my heart had been pulverized as I watched my 38-year-old son Ben become less and less responsive after an eye surgery where they had to go in through his cranial bones. Eventually he turned around but there were a few days that were without question the longest days of my life as i wondered if he was slipping away for good, as I saw the nurses have to restrain him when he didn't know what was happening and was trying to pull out his feeding tube and many leads to the EEG glued to his head, when he didn't know where he was or why he was there, when I saw nothing but fear and confusion coursing through his being . I am still processing it with an awareness of impermanence and the strangeness of the illusory passage of time and the wrenching of the heart. And the softness and love that permeates through it all.
“You will lose everything.
Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memory.
Your looks will go.
Loved ones will die.
Your own body will eventually fall apart.
Everything that seems permanent is absolutely impermanent and will be smashed.
Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away.
Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away.
Right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground.
For that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realising this is the key to unspeakable joy.
Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you.
This may sound obvious but really knowing it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence.
Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.
Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar."
~ Jeff Foster ~