Dancing With the Goddess

In 2015 I accepted Seth Godin’s challenge to “ship” every day for 30 days- which meant writing a blog post. I did it for almost that whole year I think. I definitely did it for many months- and I had a sense of commitment every day, a sense of satisfaction, and a sense of completion. My commitment to myself as of January 1 is to post something- or ship- every day for 30 days.

It’s late. I wake up in the morning thinking about this- this blog- observing sound throughout the day, listening deeply at times, enjoying music on a more external level at other times and sometimes just being busy… doing stuff, making lunch, doing laundry, going to the grocery store, catching up with people on the phone- all the stuff of life. Today several hours were spent in mantra practice. Tonight I spent an hour chanting this beautiful mantra to Ma Durga during a webinar with Jai Uttal. Feel your breath, let yourself drop in and enjoy that quiet place inside for a little while…

A New Dawn

2021. Happy New Year! I feel good. I feel hopeful.

2+0+2+1= 5. In numerology 5 is about change and transformation and after 2020 (4, think “square”, grounded, solid, not particularly creative or forward thinking) I think we are all looking forward to some major changes. That’s all I’m going to say about that!

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day… and it’s a new year! I went to sleep a little after midnight and woke up at 4 a.m. thinking about things I want to get done and one of the first things that came to mind was to start blogging again. Along with it came this song.

Circles, Cycles and Sound in the Time of Covid

For the past 3 days I have been immersed in the Sound Healing Global Summit online. Two days left. I had an idea that I couldn’t stand online workshops but in the time of Covid I am finding myself incredibly grateful for them. I dipped my toe in when I was in the Philippines- initially to attend a Weight Watchers meeting that I used to go to every Saturday morning when I was at home in Rhode Island. It was so wonderful to see familiar faces and feel the connection from 12000 miles away! After that I started joining in on Jai Uttal’s Friday evening kirtans and Gina Sala’s Monday Mantra class, which for me, being 15 hours ahead, were a perfect way for me to start my Saturday and Tuesday mornings- with joyful sound and meditation- and to dive into practices that otherwise were completely inaccessible to me where I was, especially once we were in lockdown.

So back to the Sound Healing Summit…

FAST FORWARD!!! I started writing this on August 5. It is now October 17. My life has made such a wide and clear circle in a year. One year ago today I was getting ready to drive to North Carolina to help my dear friend and former partner Henry navigate his way through a health procedure. Sadly he died on October 18 while I was still on the road. Two days later my sister Jenny died. Henry’s death hit me like a sledgehammer and I spent a year moving through layers of grief around that. Now, a full year later, I find myself in North Carolina living in the house where he spent the last year of his life which he had helped one of our very close friends to build.

Last week, on October 11, we had a Celebration of Life on Zoom for my sister Jenny, and I found myself processing a lot of untapped grief around that. It was a beautiful event and I am so grateful that it was a full year later so that I could be fully present for it and not held captive by the feelings I had been dealing with around Henry’s death.

So… transition, changes, travel, lockdown, Philippines, music, sound and healing…

The Sound Healing Summit was an inspiration. At some point well into my stay in the Philippines, after being on what turned out to be a major sabbatical that went on much longer than I anticipated, I realized I could not make a plan as to what would be next. And I knew that I would know what the next step was to be quite simply whenever it came to me. Clarity came within the first hour of my tuning into the Sound Summit. I have a lot to process and won’t get into much detail here but it centers around creating a Wholistic Sound Certification Program. Nothing will begin to happen until at least the spring. I am spending the winter here in North Carolina brainstorming, formulating a plan, and writing.

When I went to the Philippines I brought one small (but mighty!) Himalayan singing bowl with me. I had an idea about doing short meditations and making some videos. Unfortunately there was never a strong enough signal to post them so now I am posting one short video I made one beautiful morning on Camiguin. The sound is not great as there was a ton of background noise- the people of the little fishing village mending their nets right behind me- and I was really just experimenting. Unfortunately since it turned out to be impossible to upload anything I never refined the process!

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Where Everything Is Music

So much time has gone by so quickly and so full of deep emotion that it has all been a blur. The recent losses have hit me hard- Henry, my sister Jenny and most recently a dear and beautiful friend in Sedona who had brain cancer. Losses punctuated with feelings of deep love and gratitude. I feel that a major chapter of my life has closed and I am standing on a threshold. I know I will be making some big changes soon- I do hope that they will lead me ultimately to the creation of another sound healing center but right now I am just taking a big breath.

A friend sent me this beautiful poem this morning and it was so perfect that it inspired me to finally post on my blog again!

Where Everything is Music

We have fallen into the place
where everything is music.

The strumming and the flute notes
rise into the atmosphere,
and if the whole world's harp
should burn up,
there will still be hidden instruments
playing, playing

This singing art
is sea foam.
The graceful movements
come from a pearl
somewhere
on the ocean floor.

Poems reach up like spindrift
and the edge of driftwood
along the beach
wanting, wanting

They derive from a slow
and powerful root
that we cannot see.

Stop the words now.
Open the window
in the center of your chest,
and let the spirits fly
in and out!

-Rumi

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Music, Tears and Gratitude

Mostly I am “okay”. Home and putting things away that Henry had saved for me. A three-week road trip which in many ways felt like an inner pilgrimage. Even though I was on the road I couldn’t really just leave everything indefinitely so instead I just tried to hold an open space for myself on the inside.

And like I said, mostly I am “okay.” And then there are those moments, which come further and further apart but still arrive… when I hear a piece of music like this and I am hit with a tidal wave of sadness and gut-wrenching tears. I am grateful that I can allow myself to feel and cry when I need to.

Grateful for the power music has to pick us up, carry us on a river of emotions and drop us on the other shore!

Sound Effects

This is going to be very short. The video says all. Beyond the video, which specifically addresses the fullness of the frequencies of gongs and their effect on live blood cells, I am interested in doing research with other instruments and frequencies as well as vibroacoustic therapy. Not sure what the details of this project are going to look like yet but I have met a scientist from Brown University who I hope to be collaborating with in the very near future.

Meanwhile… this is very cool and exciting.

TB Cello

If you know me and have seen some of my past entries then you may be aware that I totally love Mike Oldfield and think he is one of the most brilliant composers on the planet today. Not sure that I need to say anything about this. Mike Oldfield’s “Tubular Bells” played on cello… it’s freaking brilliant. The only bummer is that you don’t actually get to hear the tubular bells at the end- but I was actually smiling listening to this as much as I do when I hear the original. Also I think as much as it is an extraordinary musical composition, a large part of the impact in this case is actually the visual aspect- watching him play and doing the looping. It is very cool… and a really interesting backdrop as well.

Gradient Expansion

Last week I received a shipment of 200 CD’s- mine! My son, graphic designer Joshua Hardisty of The Midwest Visual Agency suggested a collaboration after hearing some sound journeys I had recently recorded in a couple of different studios. We both carry a procrastinator gene but somehow working together worked well for both of us. We were excited and inspired and, once we decided which tracks to use, we pulled it all together in a matter of 2-3 weeks. I did the music. He did the cover design.

It’s on this website if you go to “Shop” and soon there will be more in there! Like the really cool tote bags that Joshua also designed (the purple ones were my idea) which right now you can see on his webpage. He wrote a really great article about the design process HERE. I love that I got to collaborate with my son! In fact that may have been more exciting than creating the CD in the end.

But this is not the end- there is definitely more to come!

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Running- and DBs!!!

Yowzer!!! Busy days… the usual challenge, wanting to write, thinking about what is most interesting and exciting to share in my life and world which is always filled with sound and music. Of course if I wrote every day- or even once a week- I wouldn’t feel like I have to cram everything into one post!

Two great musical events in the last two weeks, one as I was making way to Tallahassee. I called my best friend from boarding school who I’ve seen just a handful of times in the past few years, having been reunited thanks to classmates.com about 15 years ago and told her I wanted to visit her in Baltimore as I was driving through. She was excited and the next time we talked she said she had gotten some tickets for a great concert. Well, we’ve all changed in the past 45 years, right? So I was not sure what kind of concert it might be… I said, Cool! Who is it? The Doobie Brothers! She said she thought we should revisit our high school concert going days… Well, I was all over that! They were so great and we had the best time.

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If you look closely you may notice the tears in my eyes in this picture. I had literally just seen a video and photo from a surprise engagement party my son was throwing that evening for his fiancee in Minneapolis! Unfortunately I was en route to FL…

If you look closely you may notice the tears in my eyes in this picture. I had literally just seen a video and photo from a surprise engagement party my son was throwing that evening for his fiancee in Minneapolis! Unfortunately I was en route to FL and could not delay getting down there so I had to miss the party. (We’re having another one for them in July though with his RI family and friends!)

And here is the aforementioned- and in my opinion what should be award-winning photo taken by my daughter-in-law Kimberlee Whaley!From there I headed to Tallahassee with a brief stop in North Carolina. The night after I arrived in Tallahassee i went…

And here is the aforementioned- and in my opinion what should be award-winning photo taken by my daughter-in-law Kimberlee Whaley!

From there I headed to Tallahassee with a brief stop in North Carolina. The night after I arrived in Tallahassee i went with a group of friends to see the most amazing band. It was without question one of the best, most exciting and dynamic musical experiences I have ever had. DakhaBrakha. Another DB band comprised of a group of 4 extraordinary Ukrainian musicians, one man and three woman. Their music is eclectic, their excellence as musicians is awe-inspiring, their joy is infectious.

And now I’m sitting here at the kitchen table in my friends’ house in Tallahassee with Sound Journeys and workshops already behind me and more ahead of over the next five weeks, here and in St. Pete. Life is very busy, very full, very exciting and I am running to keep up with it all! I am making it my intention to get back to this page sooner so that I can share more of the exciting stuff that is going on.

Amusing Musical Musings

Really I don’t have any! I just liked the way all those words fit together. Let’s see what happens with a little stream of rambling though. I can’t call it stream of consciouslness because I’m not sure how much consciousness will actually be expressed here!

Some of the things I have been recently ruminating on… First, the sound journey I did two weeks ago at St. Mary’s Church in Portsmouth, RI. I played longer than usually- not incredibly longer but maybe 8-10 minutes longer… and I felt like I could have just hung out and gone on and on. I had to reel myself in at a certain point (that point being when I looked at the time).

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It was such a gorgeous space- I had been wanting to do a sound journey in there ever since I first went there for a yoga class about a year ago. I record all my sound journeys so a few days ago I was listening back to this one. I often don’t remember what I did after a sound journey- I am in such a focused and meditative state. I just remember the feeling and the overall vibe of it. Sometimes there are certain instruments that stand out or maybe a particular chant. This one happened to be particularly trippy- there were a lot of combinations of tones that were creating very interesting and powerful binaural beats and as I perceived them I began to play off them and amplify them.

A few nights ago I went to a ukulele class. Now THAT was fun!!! I expected a small group of 12-20 people but it turned out that there were over 50 people in the beginner’s class- probably closer to 60- and the songbook we have been given is so much fun. Goofy songs like “Put The Lime in the Coconut” to songs by Herman’s Hermits, The Beach Boys and the Beatles- lots of Beatles tunes. My new favorite song to practice is “Don’t Pass Me By”- not something I ever imagined playing on the ukulele!

And then I went to an amazing workshop this past weekend at John Beaulieu’s property in Stone Ridge, NY- auriculotherapy with tuning forks- ie using tuning forks on acupuncture points in the ear, a brilliant therapy that I have wanted to learn for 20 years. It was a small group and thus a very intimate workshop and just what I needed for balance, inspiration and some great new information. John also gave me a really powerful treatment as part of his demo on Sunday morning which was also sorely needed. I have been trying to get my energy back and release some of the physical and emotional toll that my trips to Utah took on me earlier this year when my son Benjamin was having health challenges. A short treatment with John- who is such an extraordinary sound healing practitioner, bringing together his skills as a psychologist, osteopath, craniosacral therapist, musician extraordinaire and so much more- was just the right medicine.

And to top it off, we were in John’s sound studio which is for me, and I am sure all of the other sound healing practitioners, artists and musicians who are drawn to being there, like Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory was for Charlie!

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Love, Loss and Impermanence

Benjy Wertheimer shared this earlier this morning on Facebook. Powerful, poignant and deeply resonant- good words to wake up to. He had a powerful reference point for it in his own story of love, loss, grief and more love. I know we will each have our own context.

For me, in this moment, it is much about my last few months as I wrote about in my previous post- feeling as though my heart had been pulverized as I watched my 38-year-old son Ben become less and less responsive after an eye surgery where they had to go in through his cranial bones. Eventually he turned around but there were a few days that were without question the longest days of my life as i wondered if he was slipping away for good, as I saw the nurses have to restrain him when he didn't know what was happening and was trying to pull out his feeding tube and many leads to the EEG glued to his head, when he didn't know where he was or why he was there, when I saw nothing but fear and confusion coursing through his being . I am still processing it with an awareness of impermanence and the strangeness of the illusory passage of time and the wrenching of the heart. And the softness and love that permeates through it all.

“You will lose everything.
Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memory.
Your looks will go.
Loved ones will die.
Your own body will eventually fall apart.
Everything that seems permanent is absolutely impermanent and will be smashed.
Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away.
Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away.
Right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground.
For that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realising this is the key to unspeakable joy.
Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you.
This may sound obvious but really knowing it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence.
Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.

Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar."

~ Jeff Foster ~

Sarasvati, Mike Oldfield, Creativity and Healing

Sarasvati, "She Who Flows", is the goddess of creativity, wisdom, intellectual pursuits, the arts and sciences, music and language. She is the one we can invoke before we begin any creative project.

This is a great little clip of Mike Oldfield, maestro extraordinaire, discussing his creative process. I love the how he talks about the germination of an idea.

And just for the fun of it I am posting another great song of his (what has he done that isn't great?) that isn't always associated with him- but in fact he wrote it (NOT Hall & Oates as some folks believe). This is the original version on his album "Five Miles Out" (Maggie Reilly on vocals). If your only association with Mike Oldfield is as the composer of "Tubular Bells" this one may come as a surprise- but really, he is a musical genius and full of surprises.

And now, if I have your full attention, turn up your speakers, lay back and listen to the full recording of "Ommadawn"- total gorgeousness and brilliance! Talk about sound healing! I used to listen to this endlessly. It's over 40 years old now and has lost nothing over the years- still just brilliant and beautiful. I know every note by heart. It was music to disappear into when life got to be too much... This is one of those albums that could always bring joy to my heart and peace to my mind.

Celebrating Righteousness (Thank You Oprah)

Okay, I intended to write something completely different tonight but then I saw Oprah's speech from last night's Golden Globes and was dissolved in tears. You've probably already seen it. Sound healing is a wonderful thing- but when someone has the boldness, clarity and integrity to speak from their heart, to stand up for truth and righteousness, then everything else kind of pales. So, in case you haven't seen here it is- and if you have, this is going to be one of those speeches that will be worth watching and listening to over and over for years to come.

This was the end to an awesome day. I woke up this morning on my birthday- 1.8.18- to a sense of profound joy that has stayed with me throughout the day. This absolutely topped it off for me like nothing else could have. Thank you Oprah, and to all the women and men who stand strong in the truth of their being.