New Life

Margarett McKean Vernon
November 2, 1921~September 8, 2013

My last post was dated September 5. When I wrote it I was in Massachusetts at my mother's house where I have spent the better part of the last year.  I didn't write much during that time because, at the age of 91, my mother's health began to decline and she was moving toward making a transition. I wasn't living there but was there almost full-time, living an hour and a half away. She passed away on September 8- just over two months ago.  During the last two months I have spent a lot of time at there house, going through "stuff"- the stuff of a lifetime- as well as organizing her memorial service and celebration of her life which were held on November 2, which would have been her 92nd birthday.

The winter before last I lived with her for almost 3 months and after that decided I needed to be nearby on a permanent basis as I knew we didn't have much time left together.  So the truth is that I have spent the better part of the last two years with her, although in 2012 I did have more time to myself.  This year her dimming eyesight really failed her and her arthritis had gotten to the point where she was more and more physically uncomfortable.  I felt the need to be with her more and more. Although I have 5 siblings my life also was in transition having just moved up from Florida so I made myself available as much as possible.

We had had a challenging relationship for most of my life and when the healing came in the late '90s we really fell in love with each other and it became a very warm cozy intimate relationship- not without its challenges but they were minor and ultimately quite insignificant compared to what we shared.  I always felt that the miracle of the healing of our relationship far outweighed the length of time that it took and that, in a way, the fact that we had gone through such a long period of separation made our relationship that much more special.

After her service last week I moved into a beautiful spacious apartment in an old Victorian house with gorgeous high ceilings and for the first time in two months have had a chance to begin to reflect- to have moments of missing my mother, letting myself cry and feel the loss of her physical presence and then to get quiet and feel her true presence, to bask in the warmth of it and feel the continuing deepening of our relationship. What an extraordinary thing!

I could just end this post there but I can't, in good conscience, leave this page without putting something about wholistic sound! So I will tell you about how I have the most wonderful spiral staircase that goes up to a loft- an eight-sided room in which I can play music, meditate, or throw down a futon for a guest! Last night was the first time I played music up there. I brought my harmonium up and sat and had my own quiet sargam practice and meditation time.  What a beautiful sacred space.

I have always wanted a spiral staircase, I have always wanted a loft and I have always wanted to live in this house having walked by it hundreds of times in years gone by! Wow, I got everything all under one roof. I am filled with gratitude and am so looking forward to the emergence of whatever is the next thing I am to give birth to in this beautiful new space.